Comment on Rehoming a pet: How to cope with the grief by Anonymous.

I have to relinquish my cats. I’ve been crying every day for 2 months straight since I found out. The sadness and grief torment me. I just keep wondering if they’re going to be happy, safe, and I keep crying about how I’ll never get to see them again.

It wasn’t even my choice. I wanted to keep them. I wanted to try. I keep thinking about the possibility if I could just keep them in my apartment. I’m a 2nd year college student. I could just go to places where they donate cat food and talk to my landlord about ESAs. But it’s risky to ask since there’s a no pet policy, but if I could just freaking ask. If I could just have the guts to ask instead of being selfish. I keep wondering if I could’ve done more.

It’s my dad’s fault because he’s abusive and is suddenly leaving the country. He was going to put them in any random shelter without telling me until I found out. It took me a while to even find a suitable shelter.

I’ve had my cats since I was 9. I’ve known them for 10 years. You are supposed to be a part of their whole life. I just keep thinking my cat keeps wondering where her mommy went and when she’s going to come back. I miss her so much. I have to sign a relinquishment form and I can’t bring myself to do it.

I know this is a super long comment but I just need to let it all out. I’m crying so hard typing this.

I just keep wondering about what’s going to happen. And I saw a comment saying “what if I didn’t try hard enough” and the guilt is consuming me. I feel so much pain everyday. I feel so much anger and sadness. It’s not fair and it’s not fair to my babies who have done nothing but give pure love to me and everyone they’ve met. They are beings of pure love and now they have to go through this.

I’m just so angry. I’m angry that this is happening. I just want to scream everyday. Every time I see a TikTok or a video of someone else’s cat being cute and giving their owner unconditional love, I feel so guilty and start crying. No cat deserves this. No cat’s life deserves to be uprooted like this. It’s like the equivalent of a child going into an orphanage. “Who are all these people?” “Where is my mommy?” “When is she coming back?” “I’m scared. I want to go home.”

I don’t ever want my babies to feel like that. I haven’t seen them in two years since my dad took them away and forced me to not see them. It’s already been painful enough. I asked him to at least bring them to the suitable shelter that I found for them because I don’t want them to think it was my choice.

I’m in so much pain it’s indescribable. I don’t even care how much I type at this point. I’ve been trying so hard not to hurt myself and go back to unhealthy ways of coping. I’m losing my soulmate. My cats are my family. My cat, my very first cat that was my own, is like my daughter.

I just can’t take the pain anymore. If I could just keep them for this semester. But then where would they go? Because my mom’s stupid boyfriend won’t let my cats stay in his basement at least. Because it’s his house and he’s an asshole. I have no place for them to stay. Once my lease ends, they would have no where to go.

I can’t do this anymore. I don’t care how insane I sound. It hurts so much. I just need an outlet. I write in my journal every day about how much grief I feel. Maybe it would feel better if strangers on the internet heard my pain.

Whenever I see anything that reminds me of them, I cry my heart out and feel so empty after. I feel like an empty shell. I’m like a glass. I fill up with sadness and pain and then I dump it all out, over and over.

I don’t deserve to have another pet. I don’t want to move on. I don’t want anyone else but my cats. I don’t think I will ever adopt another cat again. If I couldn’t have given all of my love to my cats, then I don’t deserve to give love to any other cat or have any other cat’s love. They have been my whole life. My baby has been through everything with me. From elementary school to late high school until I couldn’t see her anymore.

I miss them everyday. I know my cat friends look down on me. I feel so much shame. I will be heartbroken for the rest of my life. A piece will always be missing from me. I will always be wondering how they’re doing. I feel sick. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

A lot of people are rehoming because of behavioral issues. My cats are the perfect angels. The sweetest babies in the world. That makes it even worse. I have so much guilt, worry, sadness, grief, heartbreak, pain, and every word you can think of..

Now that I’ve cried all of my tears, I just feel empty again. And it’s only a matter of time until this repeats and I feel profound anguish. I feel pain every day. It just adds up, little by little. I try not to think about, I sit on it, I think about it, I try everything. It just adds up until I burst out crying over and over. Like a dripping faucet into a cup until it overflows.

I will forever be sorry to my cats. I will always be sorry. They don’t deserve this. I just deeply hope that they would somehow understand that it wasn’t my choice. I don’t know what they’re thinking. I know that they may or may not understand. They just know that I’m not there anymore. I hope they feel my love in their hearts. I want them to feel the warmth of my love and I want them to be happy. I want them to be happy with me. I just want them to be with me.

My baby misses me. I know she does. I miss her everyday. I’m sorry. I will never stop loving you. I’m so sorry.