A pet memory box is a beautiful way to remember a pet who has died or gone missing. It lets you safely store precious items that remind you of your pet, including their belongings, so that you can take them out and rediscover them for many years to come.

Any age group can do this activity and it’s something you can do alone or with other members of your family.

Choosing the right pet memory box

Before you think about what items to include in your pet memory box, you’ll need to choose the box itself.

There are many different options.

If you want a truly personalised memory box, you could opt for a plain wooden or cardboard box and then decorate it yourself. The decorations could include pictures, paintings, ribbons, drawings or anything that you feel represents your pet.

Alternatively, you could have a look online for pet memory boxes. Some businesses will personalise a memory box for you by carving your pet’s name, picture or special dates on to the box.

Here are some examples of the types of boxes available (we just did a search on Etsy but Google will show you more ideas).

Some pet memory boxes include a space for a photo of your pet in the lid or a special saying.

You will also want to think about the size of the memory box based on what you want to keep in it and where you plan to put it.

Eight items you could include in a pet memory box

Having chosen and decorated your memory box, it’s now time to think about what you want to put in it.

These are eight of our favourite ideas:

Your pet’s collar, tag, lead or bridle

If your memory box is for a dog, cat or horse then they probably wore an item like a collar, harness or bridle. The memory box is the perfect place to store this. You might also want to include their identity tag.

Touch can create detailed, lasting memories and you’ve probably touched your pet’s collar or ID tag thousands of times. Being able to touch these items in the future will unlock lovely, tactile memories of your pet.

A paw print or fur clipping

Many vet practices or pet crematoriums now offer to take a paw print – often in clay or a similar material – of a pet who has died. Some will also take a small fur or feather clipping and present it to you in a little presentation bottle.

While it isn’t always possible to get these keepsakes, it’s worth asking if they can be obtained.

Being able to look at a pet’s paw print can be comforting and meaningful, another physical way of remembering your pet.

Your pet’s favourite toy

Whether your pet was a dog, cat, rabbit, rat or budgie (or, indeed, any other species), the chances are that they had a favourite toy.

A pet memory box can be the perfect place to keep this treasured item. It doesn’t matter if it’s a well-chewed tennis ball or the decoration from an aquarium. What matters is all of the wonderful memories you have of your pet enjoying that item.

Photos

Some people find looking at photos of their pet comforting, while others find it tough, especially in the early days.

Eventually, though, most of us enjoy looking at photos of our past pets because the pictures bring back happy memories.

Why not print out some of your favourite photos of your pet and pop them in the memory box?

They could be photos that make you laugh, photos of a special memory or even some of the countless photos you took of your pet doing nothing in particular.

Your pet’s bed or blanket

If the memory box is big enough, you might want to pop your pet’s bed or favourite blanket in there.

If size is an issue, another option is to keep a small piece of fabric from the bed or blanket as a reminder of the texture and design.

Alternatively, you could look on Google for a craftsperson who is able to turn your pet’s bedding into a soft toy keepsake. Again, Etsy has some wonderful examples of pet memorial toys, including ones made from a pet’s bedding.

A letter to your pet

Are there things you wish you could tell your pet? Perhaps you want to tell them how much you love them or let them know how sorry you are that they died.

Maybe you want to record the story of their life, including how you met them or the things they enjoyed doing.

A wonderful way to express these thoughts is to write a letter to your pet. You can tell them everything that’s in your heart and pop it in the memory box for safekeeping.

Your favourite memories

We love the idea of writing down memories of your pet on small pieces of paper and then adding them to the memory box to be picked out and rediscovered in the future.

If you live with other people, you could invite everyone to write down their memories and add them to the box. This can be a lovely way to discover new things about your pet and what they meant to other family members.

For an extra special touch, you could write your memories on origami hearts or an origami animal that reminds you of your pet.

Sympathy cards

If you received sympathy cards from your friends and family when your pet died, you might want to keep these in your pet’s memory box too.

Sympathy cards are a reminder that other people care about you and the loss you have experienced. The fact that they can be re-read at any time provides a lasting sense of comfort.

If you do make a pet memory box, we’d love to hear more about it. Feel free to leave a comment below to tell us what you included.

Need to talk? Our supportive pet loss community offers a safe and compassionate space to grieve.

Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

If you’ve recently suffered a pet bereavement, you may be finding life hard.

As we often mention here on The Ralph Site, our society has created lots of rituals and behaviours to help us cope when a human dies, but it can be harder to find space to grieve when you are mourning a pet.

The reality is that pet bereavement can be as devastating as losing a human friend or family member. Research from John Archer in 1996 found that pet carers often derive more satisfaction from their relationships with their pets than with humans because of the presence of unconditional love.

Sadly, it isn’t always easy to get time off work when a pet dies and you may feel that your friends and family don’t understand the extent of your grief.

This is why it’s incredibly important to prioritise your self-care at this time.

When you’re grieving, it can be hard to do the most basic or normal of tasks. You may even feel angry that the world can carry on as normal when you’re faced with such a profound loss.

Self-care will help you to navigate life and give you the emotional and physical resources to eventually move forward in your grief.

Here are some self-care tips to help you:

1. Give yourself time to grieve

It can be tempting to try to power through your grief. You might feel that if you ignore it and keep yourself busy, your feelings will go away.

Although there is no right or wrong way to grieve, most bereavement experts say that real healing takes place when you face your grief and actively deal with it.

For this reason, it’s important to let yourself feel all of your feelings.

You might even need to schedule this into your day. This is something known as “grief dosing” when you set aside a block of time every day during which you give yourself permission to feel your grief without censor.

You might spend this time crying, talking, looking at photos, shouting, journalling – whatever works for you.

Grief dosing doesn’t have to be an unhappy time. You could spend the time thinking about happy memories.

The idea is to give yourself space in the day to bring your emotions to the surface so that you don’t bury how you’re feeling.

2. Prioritise meeting your basic needs

Grieving takes a lot of energy. You might feel like you don’t have any left to cook dinner, go to work or even have a shower.

It doesn’t help that grief, especially in its early stages, can mess with your appetite and disrupt your sleep.

Knowing this, it’s essential that you make a conscious effort to meet your basic needs.
Give yourself time to rest, even if you aren’t able to drop off to sleep. Stock up on healthy snacks so that you can graze on nourishing food little and often throughout the day. Set reminders to drink water throughout the day.

Try to get outside at least once a day, even if it’s only for 10 or 15 minutes.

3. Keep up your routines for other animals in your home

If you have other animal companions in your life, they’ll need you to maintain their usual routines. This is especially important if the pet that has died was their close companion as they will be grieving too.

But even if the animals had little to do with each other, most pets thrive on routine and this can help you to structure your day.

4. Reach out if you need support

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief also will depend on your unique relationship with the pet that has died or gone missing.

Unfortunately, the uniqueness of grief can often translate into isolation, simply because it feels like no one else understands exactly how you feel.

It’s tempting to retreat and spend more time alone when you’re grieving. You may feel like the people around you don’t understand or that you don’t want to bring people down with the pain you’re feeling.

However, we would urge you to reach out if you need support. There is no shame in wanting to talk.

Look for understanding, empathetic friends and family members. But please don’t despair if your usual support network isn’t able to help.

Sometimes, it can be helpful to talk to other bereaved pet carers – it’s why we set up The Ralph Site. You will always find people to talk to within The Ralph Site Facebook pet loss support group.

The Blue Cross offers a free and confidential pet bereavement support service if you’d like to talk to someone about your loss.

Also, if you’re experiencing any of the physical symptoms associated with grief, you might want to book an appointment with your GP.

5. Create your own bereavement rituals

As we’ve mentioned above, most of us are familiar with the rituals we observe when a human dies. Things like sending and receiving sympathy cards, arranging a funeral or managing our loved one’s affairs all play an important role in the mourning process.

These rituals are often absent for our beloved pets.

But they don’t need to be.

Choosing a memorial for your pet can be a powerful expression of your loss. It’s a way of saying, “My friend lived and they mattered”.

Many people take comfort from having a memorial to visit or sit with, whether that’s a special tree in the garden or a memory box.

6. Be kind to yourself

Guilt and pet loss seem to go hand in hand, probably because our pets are so dependent on us in every aspect of their lives. Because they can’t talk to us, there will always be an element of not knowing whether we made the choices for them that they would make for themselves.

You may be going over and over the circumstances that led to your pet dying or going missing. You might feel cross with yourself or as though something you did or didn’t do caused your loss.

The thing is that it’s very hard to practice self-care if you’re constantly being unkind to yourself. It’s so important that you view yourself with kindness. What would you say to a loved one who was suffering? It’s time to show yourself the same compassion!

Recognise that your intentions towards your pet were only ever good. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be feeling the way you do now! Focus on your intentions towards your pet and know that they are what matters.

Your pet would not want you to be unkind to yourself. They loved everything about you.

7. Breathe mindfully

Grief has a way of pulling our thoughts into a loop that focuses on the past and what has been lost. At other times, it can make us worry about the future and what that will look like without our pet.

Mindful breathing and other exercises are a great way to bring your mind back to the present and reduce the fight-flight stress response associated with grief.

Bonus tip: Give yourself time

Grief doesn’t come with an expiry date. With pet loss grief, people often feel that they shouldn’t be as upset as they are or that they should quickly get over their loss. You may be having these thoughts too.

In reality, you love your pet and it’s natural that you’re mourning their loss. There is no time limit on this. It isn’t a case of one day being “done” with grieving.

So, please give yourself time. Let yourself grieve. Take away any pressure to “fix” how you feel. There is no right or wrong, no deadline, just how you feel in any given moment.

Need to talk? Our supportive pet loss community offers a safe and compassionate space to grieve.

Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

If you’ve given up a pet for rehoming, it may have been one of the hardest decisions of your life. It’s likely that you deeply loved and cherished your pet but you came to the decision that your family wasn’t the right one for them to really thrive.

As much as we would all like to make a life-long commitment to our pets, the reality is that this isn’t always possible. 

Behavioural issues, a change in circumstances, poor health (yours or your pet’s), clashes within the family, work and family commitments, financial struggles – these can all feed into the decision to rehome.

Having said goodbye to your pet, perhaps to a rescue centre or foster home, you may find that you are experiencing grief that’s as strong as if your pet had died.

However, you may feel that you don’t have a right to grieve because you voluntarily surrendered your pet for rehoming or that other people don’t understand your loss. 

It can be incredibly hard to talk about this and we want you to know that you’re not alone.

The grief and guilt of rehoming a pet

The grief of rehoming tends to be layered with emotions such as guilt and shame. You may feel like you’ll never forgive yourself for this decision. 

Giving a pet up for rehoming is never easy and there are very few people who can do this without any misgivings. 

People who have lived through this experience often say that they still reflect on it years later. However, the majority also believe it was the right thing to do, maybe because it is rarely a decision that’s taken lightly.

What’s clear is that it’s important to show yourself compassion at this difficult time.

We’ve put together some tips to help you find peace and comfort:

• Acknowledge your grief

Regardless of the circumstances, you have lost a pet for whom you cared deeply. It’s natural to grieve and it’s important that you allow yourself to experience your feelings. 

Loss is loss, no matter what, and your grief is valid. 

• Reflect on your reasons for rehoming

Most people who give a pet up for rehoming do so because they no longer feel able to adequately meet all of the animal’s needs. 

It takes great courage to admit that an animal may be better off in a different environment or with different people caring for them.

Your needs matter too. Maybe you’ve been doing everything possible to care for your pet but to your own detriment or that of your family. 

When you feel able, allow yourself to reflect on your reasons for rehoming. Remember, you had everyone’s best interests at heart.

• Animals adapt

Animals are survivors and far better able to live in the moment than us humans. Of course, they remember their past experiences and people but they also adapt surprisingly well to new situations.

Your pet will not be placing blame or judging you. They won’t be reflecting on what went wrong or why life has changed. Yes, they may feel worried, uncertain or even scared at first but they will soon adjust to their new normal.

Have you explored the possibility of receiving some updates about how your pet is settling and life with their new family? This may reassure you that they’re well and loved. However, in some scenarios, it is not possible to get updates.

• Ignore other people’s opinions

The issue of rehoming a pet is deeply emotive. Often, the only time people will hear about the topic is on television when abuse cases and neglect provide the emotional hook for the programme.

Of course, these cases are horrendous but they are completely separate to rehoming a pet out of love and a commitment to doing the right thing for them.

It’s very easy to judge someone from the outside looking in and you may find that some people do this to you. However, you know the truth of your situation and what is right for your pet and your family.

It’s no one else’s business because they’ve never experienced your unique circumstances. Remind yourself that anyone who’s judgemental of your decision to rehome doesn’t have all the facts. Therefore, they’re judging a fictional scenario.

• Know your sadness will bring someone else happiness

While you may not have been able to offer your pet the right environment for their needs, their new home will hopefully be the perfect fit.

You know how lovable and special your pet is and now someone else will get to experience great happiness because of your decision to rehome.

• Don’t feel bad about feeling relief

As well as feelings of grief, guilt and more, you may also have a sense of relief, of a weight being lifted, that you don’t have to factor your pet’s needs into your daily life anymore.

This can be confusing and distressing but, again, it’s an entirely natural response to resolving what has been an ongoing source of stress.

• It’s time to show yourself kindness and compassion

Right now, your thoughts are probably consumed by your pet’s welfare. You’re wondering if they’re okay, if they’re missing you, if they feel sad or rejected.

Remind yourself that you handed your pet over to someone responsible who would take care of their needs.

Your priority has to be to show yourself some kindness and compassion. What are your needs right now?

Reach out if you need to talk to someone. Rest, eat good food, exercise, do things that light you up inside. 

As with all grief, you will have good days and bad days and eventually find a way to make sense of this life-changing experience. 

Just know that whatever you’re feeling, it matters.

Need to talk? Our supportive pet loss community offers a safe and compassionate space to grieve.

Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support