Although more people thankfully acknowledge that it can be as hard to lose a pet as a human loved one, others have yet to catch up. As a result, you may feel that you are grieving the loss of your pet in an unsupportive environment, such as your workplace or even your social group. 

We recognise that it can be hard to grieve a pet’s loss when you feel like those around you don’t understand or support your grief. Not everyone appreciates the weight of this profound experience, but we want you to know that you’re not alone. 

Why pet loss grief can be lonely 

One reason pet loss can be a difficult experience to navigate is that humans haven’t quite figured out—collectively, at least—our relationship with our fellow animals.  

Some people would never dream of having an animal companion, while others view them as property rather than friends. 

Others form deep and beautiful bonds with animals, knowing them as sentient beings and loving them as part of our families.  

Finding support from people who don’t share our outlook can be challenging. 

When we lose a human loved one, a word usually explains the relationship: parent, partner, sibling, friend. Although the individual relationship may have been complex, the label acts as a shorthand about how we might feel that other people recognise. 

When a pet dies, the relationship is perhaps more complicated to define. What is the name for someone who loved you with the loyalty of a parent but the innocence of a child, who accepted you in your best and worst moments but never spoke a word of the same language as you? 

It’s hard. “Pet” is such a small and inadequate word. 

If people in your work or social circles have dismissed your grief, it’s understandable that this might compound your feelings of loss, loneliness, and pain. 

Common unsupportive reactions 

Many people find death and bereavement challenging to talk about, not least because they’re frightened of saying the wrong thing. Unfortunately, this can lead to unsupportive reactions. 

Sadly, many pet carers still have people trying to comfort them with phrases such as “It’s just a pet” or “At least you can get another one”, as though you’ve lost an item of property, not a once-in-existence friend. 

We’re very sorry if this is something you have personally experienced.  

You might also feel that people are uncomfortable with your grief and that they either avoid discussing it (perhaps by changing the subject when you try to talk) or they’re pushing you to “move on” quickly (“Are you still upset about that?” or a variation of that question). 

These reactions, though often unintentional, can be hurtful. 

In addition, it’s common to experience workplace indifference to pet loss. Bereavement leave doesn’t currently cover time off to grieve for a pet, although you may be able to take a day as holiday or as sick leave. This will depend on your employer and, sometimes, on their own experiences of pet loss. 

Many bereaved pet carers feel that they have no choice but to continue to work as usual and that work isn’t a supportive environment to face the challenges that come with grieving, such as physical symptoms and illness, brain fog or a disordered sense of time.  

How to cope with unsupportive people 

As we’ve already mentioned above, we know that feeling unsupported in grief can intensify the sense of loss and loneliness. You may have to take steps to provide vital self-care and find a different support network to navigate this challenging time. 

To do this: 

• Recognise that your feelings are valid: It is right and natural to grieve, even if others don’t understand what you’re going through. You have lost someone who meant a great deal to you – of course, that will take time to process. 

• Communicate your needs: People should still be able to provide care and support, even if they don’t understand your feelings. This is the very nature of empathy. We know it can be hard, but you may need to ask for support by saying, “I’m really grieving the loss of my pet, and I’d appreciate your understanding.” 

• Seek alternative support: Other bereaved pet carers worldwide recognise your feelings because they have experienced something similar. You can find friendship and support from these people through pet loss support groups like The Ralph Site Facebook group or online forums. 

Navigating the workplace after pet loss 

If you’re struggling with your grief and it’s affecting your ability to work, it’s important to communicate this to your direct manager or HR representative if you feel able.  

As we’ve suggested above, even though many workplaces don’t yet formally recognise pet loss in the same way as human loss, a compassionate employer may offer support or flexibility. 

If you’re unsure how to frame your request, our advice is to be honest and straightforward. You could say something like: “I’ve recently lost a pet, and this has been an incredibly difficult time for me. I’m finding it hard to focus and would like to request a day or two off to process my emotions.” 

You may decide that flexible work options would be helpful, such as working from home or temporarily reducing your hours. You could frame this request as “I understand this may not be typical, but grieving the loss of my pet has taken an emotional toll. Would it be possible to work flexible hours for a short time while I adjust?” 

Often, people feel uncomfortable bringing up their grief over a pet at work for fear of being seen as less professional. This is mainly due to differing societal opinions about the impact of pet loss grief.  

By calmly explaining your needs, you can play a powerful role in normalising the grief process for pets, helping to foster understanding in the workplace. Other pet carers may thank you for it when faced with losing their animal friends. 

Responding to dismissive or insensitive comments from colleagues or loved ones 

If you do feel that people are being unsupportive of your loss, there are ways to advocate for your right to grieve.  

If someone says, “It’s just a pet, you’ll get over it”, you could try saying, “I understand that not everyone sees pets the same way, but for me, they were a part of my family. Grieving them is really important to me.” 

This response calmly explains your perspective without getting defensive, making it clear that your grief is valid. 

An excellent way to respond to the question, “Why don’t you just get another one?” is, “I appreciate that suggestion, but my pet wasn’t replaceable. It’s going to take me some time to adjust to this loss, and I need to work through that process.” 

We like this response because it emphasises that pets are unique and that rushing to replace them isn’t the right solution for everyone. 

Sadly, some people may say, “It’s not like you lost a person” (and the current lack of bereavement leave reinforces that attitude). A powerful response is, “My pet was a huge part of my life, and the loss is very personal to me. I would appreciate your understanding.” 

By stating this, you can encourage people to avoid comparing losses and shift the focus to your personal experience, which is vital to keeping the conversation respectful. 

If a colleague or loved one asks, “Aren’t you over it yet?”, we’d invite you to remind them that “Grief doesn’t have a set timeline, and everyone processes it differently. I’m doing my best to move forward, but it’s still hard for me.” 

This is a gentle reminder that grief is a personal experience, and it gives you the space to grieve at your own pace. 

Finally, to anyone who says, “You seem upset over a pet—why are you taking it so hard?”, you could tell them, “Losing my pet has been very difficult because they were part of my daily life and brought me a lot of joy and companionship. I’m finding it harder than expected.” 

This can humanise your experience and help the other person to understand the depth of the bond. 

Setting boundaries with unsupportive colleagues 

Of course, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, nor should you have to justify your feelings. Loss is loss, and grief is a natural response to that loss.  

If your friends or colleagues continue to dismiss your feelings, it’s OK to politely set boundaries by saying, “I’m not comfortable discussing this right now” or “I’d really appreciate it if we could avoid talking about my loss right now. It’s a personal matter, and I’m doing my best to cope”.  

This response reinforces that your grief is personal while still maintaining professionalism. 

Other practical tips 

If you know you’ll encounter people who might not be supportive, it can be helpful to prepare your responses in advance to protect your emotional wellbeing. 

Having even one person in the workplace or among your social group who understands or sympathises with your loss can make a big difference. If possible, share your feelings with them for support. 

By having these responses ready and setting boundaries as needed, you can navigate grief in the workplace with dignity while advocating for yourself in an environment that may not fully understand your loss. 

The Importance of self-care in an unsupportive environment 

If you are navigating pet loss grief in an unsupportive environment, then self-care and self-compassion are more crucial than ever. Think about ways you can create personal space for grieving, such as journalling, creating a memorial for your pet, or choosing a specific time each day when you’re allowed to focus on your grief in a safe environment. 

Taking time to reflect, practising mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help channel your grief can all create a sense of support and comfort you might feel is otherwise missing. 

If you’re concerned that your grief is becoming overwhelming or complicated, especially in an unsupportive environment, it might be time to seek professional help such as counselling or therapy. You can find some resources to help you here. 

Finding your own way to heal 

Please be reassured that even if your environment is unsupportive, you can still find ways to honour your feelings and move through the grieving process. This is a highly personal journey, but it’s one that we humans are surprisingly equipped to go on as bereavement is a universal experience.  

Remember that everyone will experience grief at some point because it’s what we feel when we miss someone we love. The people around you don’t have to understand your bond with your pet, but we hope they can connect with the fundamental experience of loss. 

Once again, we encourage you to reach out to communities like The Ralph Site to connect with others who will understand how you’re feeling. In these spaces, you will find the support you need and deserve.

If you’re facing the loss of a beloved pet, please know that we’re incredibly sorry. Although some pet bereavements are sudden and unexpected, many pet carers face seeing their animal companion become ill or elderly and know they may soon face difficult decisions.

This can cause a profound sense of heartache and vulnerability. You may wonder what’s best for your pet or where to seek advice.

Your pet’s veterinarian will likely be one of the key people who help you navigate this difficult journey. 

They will talk to you about hard choices such as euthanasia or treatments for a life-limiting illness. A vet should also be able to clarify your pet’s deteriorating health, especially if you’re finding it difficult (understandably) to be objective, and help you process your fears and sorrows about their condition.

These conversations are crucial yet challenging. 

We hope this article will provide practical advice on approaching your vet with questions and concerns about end-of-life care, ensuring that you feel supported and informed. We aim to help you advocate for your pet while managing the emotional complexities of saying goodbye, giving you the confidence to make the best decisions for your cherished companion.

Preparing for the conversation 

We recognise that there won’t always be the time or opportunity to speak with your vet before your pet becomes ill or dies.

If the opportunity does arise, however, it can be helpful to have thought about it in advance.

What are your needs and concerns? If you were to talk to your pet’s vet, what would you like to achieve from the conversation?

Do you need to know more about your pet’s condition, such as how it might progress or possible treatment options? Would you like to understand how euthanasia works or what options are available – for example, would it be possible for your pet to be euthanised at home?

Do you want to know about pet cremation services, any burial restrictions or options, getting pawprints, or a lock of hair?

Although distressing and something none of us wants to think about, it can be helpful to know more about all these services in advance so that you feel empowered to make practical decisions when the time comes.

Before your appointment 

We recommend writing down your key questions or concerns ahead of time to ensure that nothing is overlooked when you do speak to your vet.

As you know, veterinary settings can be busy. Before you meet with your vet, it’s worth talking to their receptionist to explain that you would like a private or quiet space to talk and why. You may need to book a double appointment or even arrange to talk to your vet at the end of surgery or over the phone.

Different veterinary practices will have different procedures to facilitate this.

Discussing euthanasia options 

All pet carers live with the knowledge that euthanasia is available. This can be a blessing and a curse. We know that we can end our animal companion’s suffering but may wrestle with worries about whether it’s the right thing to do or how to get the timing right.

If you have any questions at all about what euthanasia involves, how and where it can happen, the timing, what to expect, etc., then we’d recommend discussing this with your vet.

Again, our advice is to write down questions as they come to you so you can ask your vet about them. These questions might include:

• What will happen during the procedure?

• What signs indicate that it’s time to consider euthanasia?

• Are there any alternatives?

• My pet feels anxious about visiting the vet – can you conduct euthanasia in our home?

• If they are in the surgery, what can be done to minimise their stress?

• Will you be able to spend time with your pet before or after euthanasia is administered?

• Can you be in the room with them? (This article from The Blue Cross explains why it isn’t always possible to be in the room with a small pet, such as a guinea pig, due to the anaesthetic gas used in some instances).

You may feel emotional during this conversation, which is completely understandable and something your vet will recognise. It can be helpful to bring a friend or family member with you for support.

There are now some veterinary services that exclusively provide end-of-life care and at-home euthanasia. You may want to explore whether anything like this is available locally.

Many vets offer quality-of-life appointments or conversations where they can help you assess your pet’s current quality of life and help you determine the tipping point at which you might consider euthanasia.

This is especially helpful when a pet is struggling with pain and has good and bad days. There’s something incredibly reassuring about having a veterinary professional say, “I don’t think your pet is at the end of their life yet, but I will advocate for them when the time comes”.

Seeking explanations about your pet’s condition 

If your pet is terminally ill, you are bound to have questions about what to expect. Discussing your concerns with your vet may help to give you peace of mind about the plan to support your pet.

Again, make a note of anything you want to know in advance of your pet’s next veterinary appointment. Ask for clear, straightforward explanations about your animal companion’s condition or prognosis. If there’s anything you don’t understand – for example, complex medical terminology – ask your vet what it means.

We want to reassure you that it’s OK to seek a second opinion if you are uncertain about the best course of action or want more information.

Understanding the medical aspects of your pet’s condition can sometimes help with the grieving process, both before (anticipatory grief) and after your pet dies, because it can provide clarity and reassurance.

Expressing gratitude, concerns, or unresolved feelings 

In moments of loss, it’s natural to want to express gratitude to those who have cared for your pet with compassion and dedication.

If you feel it’s appropriate, a simple thank you to your vet and their team can go a long way. You might want to send a handwritten note, share a kind word during your conversation, or even leave a positive review for the clinic. These gestures not only acknowledge the care your pet received but also allow you to reflect on the good memories you shared. Vets and their staff often form strong bonds with the animals they treat, and knowing that they’ve helped can be a source of comfort to them, too.

However, there are times when you might have unresolved concerns about your pet’s care. It’s important to address these feelings in a respectful and constructive way to keep the channels of communication open.

Start by framing your concerns as questions, such as “I’m wondering if you could explain more about…” or “I’ve been thinking a lot about this part of the treatment, and I’m feeling unsure.” This approach opens the door to understanding and allows for a more compassionate dialogue. Remember, your vet is there to support you, and most will appreciate the opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings or provide additional information.

If you feel your vet made a mistake, we have a separate article about how to navigate and address that situation.

Your veterinarian understands that losing a pet is heartbreaking. Don’t be afraid to express how much your pet meant to you, the sadness you’re feeling, or even any confusion you may have about what happened.

Vets are not only medical professionals but also caretakers of the human-animal bond, and they often feel deeply for the pets and families they work with.

The power of open, honest communication 

When a pet is dying or has recently died, emotions can run high. Open, honest communication with your vet can help you navigate this experience.

The best scenario is that you and your pet’s vet function as a team. A vet is an expert in your animal companion’s medical needs, but you are the expert in your pet! You know their likes and dislikes, their quality of life, their joy, their habits, and so much more. This knowledge is vital to supporting them at the end of their precious life.

Together, you and your vet can advocate for your pet and weigh up all the pros and cons of treatments, end-of-life care, and euthanasia.

You may also find that the wider team at your veterinary practice can offer advice, support, knowledge, and empowerment during some of the most challenging times in your role as a pet carer.

Knowing that you can trust your vet and their team is a valuable source of strength. You are not alone.

Shailen and The Ralph Site team 
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support 

Losing a pet can be one of the most heart-wrenching experiences we go through. Our animal friends become beloved members of our families, and their loss can leave a significant void in our lives.  

If you’re grieving a pet, it’s important to know that your feelings are valid and normal. In today’s blog, we’ll explore some common thoughts and feelings people have during pet loss grief, which will hopefully reassure you that you’re not alone at this difficult time. 

Understanding pet loss grief 

The bond between an animal companion and their human carer is profound. Pets provide us with unconditional love, companionship, and joy. They play multiple roles in our lives – friend, sibling, colleague, confidante, child – and see us at our most vulnerable and authentic.  

When they pass away, the grief can be as intense as losing a human loved one.  

Each person’s grief journey is unique, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. Whether you lost your pet recently or years ago, your feelings are valid. 

Common thoughts and feelings when you’re experiencing pet loss grief 

As much as grief is a universal experience, it’s also deeply personal. Even if you’ve lost a pet in the past, your grief may be different this time. This will depend on your personal circumstances, the relationship you had with your pet, how and when they died, your support network, and so much more. 

One shared element of grief though is how surprising and unpredictable it can be, and how it can impact your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, these thoughts can be overwhelming and unwelcome, even though they’re complete natural.  

Through The Ralph Site, we see that common questions or worries include: 

“Why aren’t I feeling better yet?” 

Grief doesn’t follow a set timeline. You might wonder why you still feel a deep sense of loss weeks, months, or even years after your pet’s death. It’s important to understand that grief is a process, and healing takes time.  

Allow yourself to feel your emotions without putting pressure on yourself to “move on” quickly. With time, you will find a way to move forward, but grief isn’t something you can skip over. 

“People want me to move on, but I can’t.” 

You may feel pressure from others to move past your grief. Well-meaning friends and family might suggest getting another pet or focusing on other activities. However, it’s essential to give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your pet; it means finding a new way to live with their memory. 

“Why do I feel so angry?” 

Anger is a natural part of the grieving process. You might feel angry at the circumstances of your pet’s death, at yourself, or at others who don’t seem to understand your pain. It’s incredibly common to feel angry that life is carrying on as normal when time feels like it has stopped for you. 

Recognise that anger is a normal response to loss. It can be an emotion that helps to keep us safe or that shields us from other emotions, such as guilt, sadness, or fear. Finding healthy outlets for your anger, such as talking to a friend or engaging in physical activity, can help. 

“I want to talk about my pet, but no one else does.” 

You may find that others avoid talking about your pet, either because they don’t know what to say or because they think it will upset you.  

It’s important to express your feelings and memories. Seek out friends, family members, or support groups who understand the bond you shared with your pet and are willing to listen.  

Sometimes, it can be helpful to tell people that mentioning your pet won’t make you feel any worse than you already do, and that you would find it comforting to talk about them. 

“I can’t face socialising or seeing anyone.” 

Grief can be isolating. You might find it difficult to engage in social activities or even leave your home. It’s OK to take time for yourself, but also try to stay connected with others in small ways. Even a text message, a short phone call or a walk with a friend can provide comfort. 

“People think I shouldn’t be grieving.” 

Some people might not understand the depth of your grief and may make insensitive comments. Remember that your feelings are valid. Grieving a pet is a significant loss, and it’s important to surround yourself with people who respect your feelings. 

“I can’t stop replaying my pet’s death in my mind.” 

It’s common to replay the events leading up to your pet’s death in your mind. You might question if you could have done something differently or made a different decision. This is a natural part of processing your grief – your brain is trying to make sense of something that feels utterly senseless or beyond comprehension.  

Try to focus on the positive memories and the happy times you shared with your pet. We know that’s easier said than done, of course, but it can be helpful to remember your animal friend was so much more than how they died.

Additional common thoughts 

The thoughts we’ve mentioned above are just a handful of examples. Bereaved pet carers often experience other thoughts and feelings that are perhaps more specific to the unique challenges of losing an animal companion: 

Guilt over the pet’s death 

Feelings of guilt are common, especially if you had to make the difficult decision to euthanise your pet. You might wonder if you made the right choice or if you could have done more. Know that you did the best you could with the information and resources you had at the time. 

Feeling of emptiness 

Your home might feel profoundly empty without your pet’s presence. The space you shared with your pet is now filled with a noticeable absence, and every corner might remind you of the companionship and love they provided. The quiet can be overwhelming, and the lack of their comforting presence can make the grief feel even more intense.  

Allow yourself to acknowledge this emptiness and give yourself time to adjust to the new reality of your home. Finding ways to keep their memory alive, such as creating a special memorial space or keeping a favourite bed, toy or blanket can help you cope with this feeling of loss. 

Loss of routine 

The daily routines you shared with your pet are now disrupted. Some people find it helpful to maintain a similar structure to their day – for example, if you and your dog used to walk at a certain time, continuing to spend this time outside.  

However, you may feel that establishing new routines would better help you adjust to life without your pet. Consider finding new hobbies or activities that bring you joy and structure to your day. 

Comparing grief 

You might find yourself comparing your grief to the loss of other pets or even human loved ones. Grief is personal and unique to each loss. It’s OK to feel that your pet’s death has affected you deeply. 

Physical symptoms 

Grief can manifest physically, leading to symptoms like fatigue, insomnia, or loss of appetite. It’s important to take care of your physical health during this time. Ensure you’re eating well, getting enough rest, and seeking medical advice if needed. 

Fear of future loss 

The pain of losing a pet can make you hesitant to adopt another. If you already have another pet, you may find that you can’t stop thinking ahead to their death.  

It’s natural to fear going through the same pain again. Take your time to heal, and know that when you’re ready, another pet can bring new joy and companionship into your life. 

If you do have a living pet, use them as your inspiration. Our animal friends have an incredible ability to live in the moment rather than worrying about what may or may not happen in the future. They are here with you now and they need your love and guardianship. 

Experiencing joy and guilt 

You might feel guilty when you start to experience moments of joy again. It’s important to remember that feeling happiness doesn’t mean you’re forgetting your pet. Your friend would want you to find joy in life. 

Seeking validation 

You may seek validation that others feel the same way you do. Joining support groups or online communities such as The Ralph Site Pet Loss Support Group can help you connect with others who understand your grief. 

Finding new purpose 

Some pet loss carers find that their bereavement drives them to find a new purpose in life. Finding ways to honour your pet’s memory can provide comfort or a starting point for a passion that will drive you, whether it’s donating to an animal charity, volunteering at a shelter, or campaigning for a special cause in their name. 

Your thoughts and feelings are normal 

Grieving a pet is a deeply personal experience. All thoughts and feelings should be allowed without judgement. 

Allow yourself the time and space to grieve and be patient with yourself. Remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s OK to seek support. Your pet’s memory will always hold a special place in your heart. 

Shailen and The Ralph Site team 
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support 

Pet loss grief is deeply personal and can include an array of emotions and feelings such as anger, regret, guilt, sadness, and anxiety.  

Wanting to apportion blame can be part of the grieving process, too. 

This is because it’s human nature to want to find a reason for why something happens, especially if there’s an unhappy or tragic outcome. It’s a protective mechanism, too. If we can understand what caused a death, we can prevent it from happening again.  

But, of course, this is futile. All living things must die eventually, and that can be hard to accept. 

It’s easy to get trapped in the mindset that someone or something must be to blame for your pet’s passing. Indeed, maybe a mistake was made, or with different information or resources, the outcome could have been different. 

Unfortunately, focusing on who or what to blame can take you down a lonely and difficult path, and may keep you frozen in this difficult time. As harsh as it sounds, thinking about what could have been done differently won’t change the reality that your animal friend has gone. 

We understand that this is difficult to accept. 

This is why many bereavement experts believe that forgiveness is a vital component in learning to manage the difficult emotions associated with grief and find some peace moving forward.  

We’ve talked about the importance of self-forgiveness in a previous article, but today, we want to look at the idea of forgiveness more broadly. This might include forgiving your vet, a friend or family member or another of your pet’s caregivers, or even your pet themselves.  

What is forgiveness? 

The Greater Good Science Centre at the University of California, Berkeley, defines forgiveness as “a conscious, deliberate position to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness”. 

They further say, “when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of the offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offences. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you or release them from legal responsibility”. 

Forgiveness is about letting go of corrosive anger and other deeply held feelings that can damage your wellbeing. It’s about recognising your pain without letting the pain define you. 

Understanding the role of forgiveness in grief 

When a pet dies, it’s common to harbour feelings of guilt or regret.  

You might find yourself grappling with “what ifs” and “if onlys,” questioning decisions made and actions taken. You might think your vet made a mistake or feel angry that a family member forgot to shut the front door. Maybe you’re angry with your pet for eating something that harmed them, for not responding to treatment, or even for getting old. 

These thoughts can become a heavy burden, intensifying the pain you’re experiencing. 

Blame is one way to shift these difficult feelings to an external cause. However, when we focus on placing blame, it can prolong our sense of anger and injustice, turning to resentment or even a need for revenge. 

These feelings can take root, hurting our relationships or changing how we see the world. Plus, by keeping us focused on the moment of a pet’s death, we lose touch with the wonder of their life. 

In this context, forgiveness is not about absolving anyone of responsibility or minimising the significance of one’s loss.  

It is about finding the compassion and understanding to begin to release the weight of guilt and regret and make space for healing and acceptance. 

What forgiveness isn’t…. 

You might be struggling with the idea of forgiveness.  

People often talk about how it’s important to “forgive and forget”, but it’s understandable if you don’t want to forget mistakes that were made or lessons that can be learned from your pet’s passing. 

You might find it more acceptable to explore how you or the people involved can learn from your loss and then forgive.  

For example, if your pet ran into the road because the garden gate was left open, there’s a lesson to everyone you know to always lock the gate or check where a pet is if they’re free roaming in any way. Forgiveness comes from recognising that all it takes to leave a gate open is a moment’s lapse of judgement or concentration, and what human doesn’t experience those? There was no malice involved. 

If someone did intentionally harm your pet, you may feel that giving forgiveness lets them “get away with” their bad behaviour. Here, it’s important to remember that forgiveness isn’t for the offender – it’s for you, the griever. Being angry or wanting justice or revenge won’t change what’s happened, but it may prevent you from grieving. 

As appealing as that may sound, grief is a natural reaction to loss and an expression of love. It might not feel like it now, but making space for your grief is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.

Where forgiveness and acceptance meet 

Acceptance is a key part of the grief journey. In this context, it’s understanding that your pet is no longer here without trying to change the outcome or fight that reality.  

However, acceptance can be challenging to reach if we are mired in self-recrimination or focused on blaming someone or something else for what happened.  

Forgiveness serves as a bridge to acceptance, allowing us to move from a place of blame to one of understanding and peace. 

For instance, after the loss of a pet, many people struggle with the decision to euthanise. Questions like “Did I act too soon?” or “Could I have done more?” often plague the grieving mind.  

Forgiveness in this scenario involves recognising the love and care that guided such decisions and understanding that the intent was to alleviate suffering and provide peace.  

By forgiving, we acknowledge the compassionate motivation behind an action, facilitating a more profound acceptance of the loss. 

Practical steps towards forgiveness 

Forgiveness, while essential, is not always easy. It requires introspection, empathy, and, sometimes, professional guidance. Here are some practical steps to incorporate forgiveness into your grief journey: 

1. Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on the circumstances of the loss and your feelings about it. Journalling can be a helpful tool to articulate these emotions and understand them better. 

2. Seek support: Engage with supportive communities, whether through friends, family, or bereavement support groups (e.g. The Ralph Site’s private Facebook group). Sharing your story and hearing others’ experiences can provide perspective and comfort. 

3. Professional guidance: Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counsellor who specialises in grief. They can offer strategies to navigate complex emotions and facilitate the forgiveness process. 

4. Mindfulness and meditation: Practices like mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present and manage overwhelming emotions. They offer a space to cultivate compassion for yourself and others. 

5. Rituals and memorials: Create rituals or memorials to honour the memory of your much-loved animal companion. These acts of remembrance can provide a sense of closure and peace. 

Embracing forgiveness  

Forgiveness is a powerful tool in the grief process. It helps to acknowledge the love and intentions behind our actions and to release the hold of negative emotions.  

Navigating grief is never easy, but with forgiveness as a guiding principle, we can find the strength to heal and the courage to move forward. Remember, it’s a personal journey, and it’s OK to seek help and take your time. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to face it alone. 

Shailen and The Ralph Site team 
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support 

Throughout history, every culture has created mourning rites and customs to provide structure, support, and solace while navigating the journey of grief. But in many ways, these rites and customs are missing from pet bereavement (our blog about unrehearsed grief covers this in more detail). 

You may find that you’re looking for some meaningful way to mark your pet’s passing or memorialise their life. If so, you’re not alone. 

People are increasingly recognising how important mourning rites can be for bereaved pet carers, both immediately after the loss of a pet and in helping to create continuing bonds with an animal companion who has died.

Drawing inspiration from cultural traditions 

There is no right way to mourn your beloved pet, only what feels right for you.  

If you have strong traditions relating to bereavement in your family, then you may draw from them as you grieve. Similarly, if you have a strong sense of religious faith or belief, this may be where you turn for comfort. 

Alternatively, you may find it helpful to find out more about the diverse cultural traditions relating to mourning and bereavement around the world to draw inspiration and find comfort on your grief journey. 

Mourning rites and customs 

Mourning rites and customs often involve ceremonies, gatherings, and symbolic gestures designed to help people express their grief and find support. 

In Hinduism, for example, the ritual of Antyesti involves cremating the deceased and scattering their ashes in a sacred body of water, symbolising the soul’s final separation from the body. Family members come together to perform these rites and offer prayers for the departed soul’s peace. This occasion also enables them to provide one another with support. 

If you decide to have your pet cremated, you may want to scatter their ashes somewhere that is meaningful to you in the company of your loved ones. 

It can be helpful to have a plan for what you want to do with your pet’s remains, from a burial in your back garden to creating a special place for their ashes in your home. The important thing is to do what provides you with the most comfort. 

Expressing grief 

Mourning rituals offer an outlet to express grief openly and authentically. With our human loved ones, funerals, wakes, or memorial services provide an opportunity to share memories, emotions, and stories about loved ones, validating our grief in a supportive environment. 

Creating a similar ceremony for your pet may help you to talk about your loss. 

Rituals don’t have to be sombre. In Mexico, the Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) is a vibrant celebration where families gather to remember deceased loved ones. Altars adorned with photos, candles, and the departed’s favourite foods are created to welcome their spirits back to the earthly realm, providing an opportunity for joyful remembrance amidst grief. 

In Ghana, the Akan people celebrate death with a ceremony called Adowa, which includes drumming, singing, and dancing to honour the person who has died. 

Perhaps you could hold a similar celebration of your pet’s life and the relationship you shared. It could even be an annual event where you and your loved ones come together. 

Social support and connection 

As we’ve already touched on above, mourning rituals bring us together to provide comfort, empathy, and solidarity during a time of loss. Whether we’re the bereaved person or the person giving solace, it’s a reminder that we’re not alone. 

In Irish culture, for example, the wake tradition involves keeping vigil over the deceased’s body before burial, allowing friends and family to pay their respects and offer condolences to the grieving family.  

The wake itself is usually a mixture of mourning and celebration, reminiscing, sadness, music, laughter, and reconnection. This communal gathering fosters a sense of unity and support during times of loss. 

Of course, we understand that your friends and wider family may not have known your pet. Even in a household where everyone is grieving, people may have different reactions. Still, you might want to invite the people closest to you to an event dedicated to your pet. This could be a small, informal gathering at home or a meet-up somewhere special. You can explain to them that you need social support and connection. Friends and family don’t need to share your loss; they just need to be present for you.  

Symbolism and meaning 

Symbolic gestures play a significant role in mourning customs. From wearing clothing of a specific colour to lighting candles or displaying certain flowers, there are many ways to represent your grief journey. 

When there isn’t a funeral or memorial service to attend, symbolic gestures can be especially important to the grieving process. Acts like planting a tree, listening to a specific song, writing a letter, or lighting a candle can all help you feel connected to your pet. 

In Japan, the Buddhist ritual of Obon honours the spirits of ancestors through various customs, including lighting lanterns to guide their souls back home. Families visit ancestral graves, clean and decorate them, and offer food and prayers to remember their departed loved ones, symbolising the continuity of familial bonds beyond death. 

You might want to use these symbols to mourn your pet. You could light a candle to light the way for them or decorate their grave or memorial. Alternatively, you could use the tradition of offering food as inspiration but donate some food to a rescue centre in your pet’s name instead. 

Adapting mourning rites for pet loss grief 

The more research we’ve done into grief, mourning, and bereavement since launching The Ralph Site, the more we’ve seen that loss is a universal experience despite its deeply personal nature.  

While the rites and rituals of death vary from one culture to another, there is the shared experience of wanting to honour the dead, connect with their memory, and find support from the living. 

We think that bereaved pet carers have the same needs. After all, you have boundless love for your animal companion, and grief is part of that love. 

As there are no societal rituals for pet loss, we’re free to create our own. 

Our advice is to do something that is meaningful to you and your family. Creating a pet memorial garden, for example, can be a therapeutic way to remember a beloved pet. Planting flowers, shrubs, or trees in their memory and dedicating a space for reflection and remembrance can provide a peaceful sanctuary.  

Alternatively, you might want to create a memory book of photos or a memory box, take a trip somewhere special to scatter their ashes, light a candle on special occasions, or donate food to a rescue centre in honour of your pet. You get to decide. 

Conclusion 

In times of pet loss grief, mourning rites and customs offer a healing path. If you feel you need to mark your pet’s passing, then it can help to draw inspiration from diverse cultural traditions and adapt them. 

Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is talk about a cherished pet and celebrate the life they had before they died. Rituals can provide a map to help us do this so we can find comfort in the enduring bonds of love and companionship. 

Shailen and The Ralph Site team 
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support