If you’re facing the loss of a beloved pet, please know that we’re incredibly sorry. Although some pet bereavements are sudden and unexpected, many pet carers face seeing their animal companion become ill or elderly and know they may soon face difficult decisions.
This can cause a profound sense of heartache and vulnerability. You may wonder what’s best for your pet or where to seek advice.
Your pet’s veterinarian will likely be one of the key people who help you navigate this difficult journey.
They will talk to you about hard choices such as euthanasia or treatments for a life-limiting illness. A vet should also be able to clarify your pet’s deteriorating health, especially if you’re finding it difficult (understandably) to be objective, and help you process your fears and sorrows about their condition.
These conversations are crucial yet challenging.
We hope this article will provide practical advice on approaching your vet with questions and concerns about end-of-life care, ensuring that you feel supported and informed. We aim to help you advocate for your pet while managing the emotional complexities of saying goodbye, giving you the confidence to make the best decisions for your cherished companion.
Preparing for the conversation
We recognise that there won’t always be the time or opportunity to speak with your vet before your pet becomes ill or dies.
If the opportunity does arise, however, it can be helpful to have thought about it in advance.
What are your needs and concerns? If you were to talk to your pet’s vet, what would you like to achieve from the conversation?
Do you need to know more about your pet’s condition, such as how it might progress or possible treatment options? Would you like to understand how euthanasia works or what options are available – for example, would it be possible for your pet to be euthanised at home?
Do you want to know about pet cremation services, any burial restrictions or options, getting pawprints, or a lock of hair?
Although distressing and something none of us wants to think about, it can be helpful to know more about all these services in advance so that you feel empowered to make practical decisions when the time comes.
Before your appointment
We recommend writing down your key questions or concerns ahead of time to ensure that nothing is overlooked when you do speak to your vet.
As you know, veterinary settings can be busy. Before you meet with your vet, it’s worth talking to their receptionist to explain that you would like a private or quiet space to talk and why. You may need to book a double appointment or even arrange to talk to your vet at the end of surgery or over the phone.
Different veterinary practices will have different procedures to facilitate this.
Discussing euthanasia options
All pet carers live with the knowledge that euthanasia is available. This can be a blessing and a curse. We know that we can end our animal companion’s suffering but may wrestle with worries about whether it’s the right thing to do or how to get the timing right.
If you have any questions at all about what euthanasia involves, how and where it can happen, the timing, what to expect, etc., then we’d recommend discussing this with your vet.
Again, our advice is to write down questions as they come to you so you can ask your vet about them. These questions might include:
- What will happen during the procedure?
- What signs indicate that it’s time to consider euthanasia?
- Are there any alternatives?
- My pet feels anxious about visiting the vet – can you conduct euthanasia in our home?
- If they are in the surgery, what can be done to minimise their stress?
- Will you be able to spend time with your pet before or after euthanasia is administered?
- Can you be in the room with them? (This article from The Blue Cross explains why it isn’t always possible to be in the room with a small pet, such as a guinea pig, due to the anaesthetic gas used in some instances).
You may feel emotional during this conversation, which is completely understandable and something your vet will recognise. It can be helpful to bring a friend or family member with you for support.
There are now some veterinary services that exclusively provide end-of-life care and at-home euthanasia. You may want to explore whether anything like this is available locally.
Many vets offer quality-of-life appointments or conversations where they can help you assess your pet’s current quality of life and help you determine the tipping point at which you might consider euthanasia.
This is especially helpful when a pet is struggling with pain and has good and bad days. There’s something incredibly reassuring about having a veterinary professional say, “I don’t think your pet is at the end of their life yet, but I will advocate for them when the time comes”.
Seeking explanations about your pet’s condition
If your pet is terminally ill, you are bound to have questions about what to expect. Discussing your concerns with your vet may help to give you peace of mind about the plan to support your pet.
Again, make a note of anything you want to know in advance of your pet’s next veterinary appointment. Ask for clear, straightforward explanations about your animal companion’s condition or prognosis. If there’s anything you don’t understand – for example, complex medical terminology – ask your vet what it means.
We want to reassure you that it’s OK to seek a second opinion if you are uncertain about the best course of action or want more information.
Understanding the medical aspects of your pet’s condition can sometimes help with the grieving process, both before (anticipatory grief) and after your pet dies, because it can provide clarity and reassurance.
Expressing gratitude, concerns, or unresolved feelings
In moments of loss, it’s natural to want to express gratitude to those who have cared for your pet with compassion and dedication.
If you feel it’s appropriate, a simple thank you to your vet and their team can go a long way. You might want to send a handwritten note, share a kind word during your conversation, or even leave a positive review for the clinic. These gestures not only acknowledge the care your pet received but also allow you to reflect on the good memories you shared. Vets and their staff often form strong bonds with the animals they treat, and knowing that they’ve helped can be a source of comfort to them, too.
However, there are times when you might have unresolved concerns about your pet’s care. It’s important to address these feelings in a respectful and constructive way to keep the channels of communication open.
Start by framing your concerns as questions, such as “I’m wondering if you could explain more about…” or “I’ve been thinking a lot about this part of the treatment, and I’m feeling unsure.” This approach opens the door to understanding and allows for a more compassionate dialogue. Remember, your vet is there to support you, and most will appreciate the opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings or provide additional information.
Your veterinarian understands that losing a pet is heartbreaking. Don’t be afraid to express how much your pet meant to you, the sadness you’re feeling, or even any confusion you may have about what happened.
Vets are not only medical professionals but also caretakers of the human-animal bond, and they often feel deeply for the pets and families they work with.
The power of open, honest communication
When a pet is dying or has recently died, emotions can run high. Open, honest communication with your vet can help you navigate this experience.
The best scenario is that you and your pet’s vet function as a team. A vet is an expert in your animal companion’s medical needs, but you are the expert in your pet! You know their likes and dislikes, their quality of life, their joy, their habits, and so much more. This knowledge is vital to supporting them at the end of their precious life.
Together, you and your vet can advocate for your pet and weigh up all the pros and cons of treatments, end-of-life care, and euthanasia.
You may also find that the wider team at your veterinary practice can offer advice, support, knowledge, and empowerment during some of the most challenging times in your role as a pet carer.
Knowing that you can trust your vet and their team is a valuable source of strength. You are not alone.
Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support