Although more people thankfully acknowledge that it can be as hard to lose a pet as a human loved one, others have yet to catch up. As a result, you may feel that you are grieving the loss of your pet in an unsupportive environment, such as your workplace or even your social group.
We recognise that it can be hard to grieve a pet’s loss when you feel like those around you don’t understand or support your grief. Not everyone appreciates the weight of this profound experience, but we want you to know that you’re not alone.
Why pet loss grief can be lonely
One reason pet loss can be a difficult experience to navigate is that humans haven’t quite figured out—collectively, at least—our relationship with our fellow animals.
Some people would never dream of having an animal companion, while others view them as property rather than friends.
Others form deep and beautiful bonds with animals, knowing them as sentient beings and loving them as part of our families.
Finding support from people who don’t share our outlook can be challenging.
When we lose a human loved one, a word usually explains the relationship: parent, partner, sibling, friend. Although the individual relationship may have been complex, the label acts as a shorthand about how we might feel that other people recognise.
When a pet dies, the relationship is perhaps more complicated to define. What is the name for someone who loved you with the loyalty of a parent but the innocence of a child, who accepted you in your best and worst moments but never spoke a word of the same language as you?
It’s hard. “Pet” is such a small and inadequate word.
If people in your work or social circles have dismissed your grief, it’s understandable that this might compound your feelings of loss, loneliness, and pain.
Common unsupportive reactions
Many people find death and bereavement challenging to talk about, not least because they’re frightened of saying the wrong thing. Unfortunately, this can lead to unsupportive reactions.
Sadly, many pet carers still have people trying to comfort them with phrases such as “It’s just a pet” or “At least you can get another one”, as though you’ve lost an item of property, not a once-in-existence friend.
We’re very sorry if this is something you have personally experienced.
You might also feel that people are uncomfortable with your grief and that they either avoid discussing it (perhaps by changing the subject when you try to talk) or they’re pushing you to “move on” quickly (“Are you still upset about that?” or a variation of that question).
These reactions, though often unintentional, can be hurtful.
In addition, it’s common to experience workplace indifference to pet loss. Bereavement leave doesn’t currently cover time off to grieve for a pet, although you may be able to take a day as holiday or as sick leave. This will depend on your employer and, sometimes, on their own experiences of pet loss.
Many bereaved pet carers feel that they have no choice but to continue to work as usual and that work isn’t a supportive environment to face the challenges that come with grieving, such as physical symptoms and illness, brain fog or a disordered sense of time.
How to cope with unsupportive people
As we’ve already mentioned above, we know that feeling unsupported in grief can intensify the sense of loss and loneliness. You may have to take steps to provide vital self-care and find a different support network to navigate this challenging time.
To do this:
- Recognise that your feelings are valid: It is right and natural to grieve, even if others don’t understand what you’re going through. You have lost someone who meant a great deal to you – of course, that will take time to process.
- Communicate your needs: People should still be able to provide care and support, even if they don’t understand your feelings. This is the very nature of empathy. We know it can be hard, but you may need to ask for support by saying, “I’m really grieving the loss of my pet, and I’d appreciate your understanding.”
- Seek alternative support: Other bereaved pet carers worldwide recognise your feelings because they have experienced something similar. You can find friendship and support from these people through pet loss support groups like The Ralph Site Facebook group or online forums.
Navigating the workplace after pet loss
If you’re struggling with your grief and it’s affecting your ability to work, it’s important to communicate this to your direct manager or HR representative if you feel able.
As we’ve suggested above, even though many workplaces don’t yet formally recognise pet loss in the same way as human loss, a compassionate employer may offer support or flexibility.
If you’re unsure how to frame your request, our advice is to be honest and straightforward. You could say something like: “I’ve recently lost a pet, and this has been an incredibly difficult time for me. I’m finding it hard to focus and would like to request a day or two off to process my emotions.”
You may decide that flexible work options would be helpful, such as working from home or temporarily reducing your hours. You could frame this request as “I understand this may not be typical, but grieving the loss of my pet has taken an emotional toll. Would it be possible to work flexible hours for a short time while I adjust?”
Often, people feel uncomfortable bringing up their grief over a pet at work for fear of being seen as less professional. This is mainly due to differing societal opinions about the impact of pet loss grief.
By calmly explaining your needs, you can play a powerful role in normalising the grief process for pets, helping to foster understanding in the workplace. Other pet carers may thank you for it when faced with losing their animal friends.
Responding to dismissive or insensitive comments from colleagues or loved ones
If you do feel that people are being unsupportive of your loss, there are ways to advocate for your right to grieve.
If someone says, “It’s just a pet, you’ll get over it”, you could try saying, “I understand that not everyone sees pets the same way, but for me, they were a part of my family. Grieving them is really important to me.”
This response calmly explains your perspective without getting defensive, making it clear that your grief is valid.
An excellent way to respond to the question, “Why don’t you just get another one?” is, “I appreciate that suggestion, but my pet wasn’t replaceable. It’s going to take me some time to adjust to this loss, and I need to work through that process.”
We like this response because it emphasises that pets are unique and that rushing to replace them isn’t the right solution for everyone.
Sadly, some people may say, “It’s not like you lost a person” (and the current lack of bereavement leave reinforces that attitude). A powerful response is, “My pet was a huge part of my life, and the loss is very personal to me. I would appreciate your understanding.”
By stating this, you can encourage people to avoid comparing losses and shift the focus to your personal experience, which is vital to keeping the conversation respectful.
If a colleague or loved one asks, “Aren’t you over it yet?”, we’d invite you to remind them that “Grief doesn’t have a set timeline, and everyone processes it differently. I’m doing my best to move forward, but it’s still hard for me.”
This is a gentle reminder that grief is a personal experience, and it gives you the space to grieve at your own pace.
Finally, to anyone who says, “You seem upset over a pet—why are you taking it so hard?”, you could tell them, “Losing my pet has been very difficult because they were part of my daily life and brought me a lot of joy and companionship. I’m finding it harder than expected.”
This can humanise your experience and help the other person to understand the depth of the bond.
Setting boundaries with unsupportive colleagues
Of course, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, nor should you have to justify your feelings. Loss is loss, and grief is a natural response to that loss.
If your friends or colleagues continue to dismiss your feelings, it’s OK to politely set boundaries by saying, “I’m not comfortable discussing this right now” or “I’d really appreciate it if we could avoid talking about my loss right now. It’s a personal matter, and I’m doing my best to cope”.
This response reinforces that your grief is personal while still maintaining professionalism.
Other practical tips
If you know you’ll encounter people who might not be supportive, it can be helpful to prepare your responses in advance to protect your emotional wellbeing.
Having even one person in the workplace or among your social group who understands or sympathises with your loss can make a big difference. If possible, share your feelings with them for support.
By having these responses ready and setting boundaries as needed, you can navigate grief in the workplace with dignity while advocating for yourself in an environment that may not fully understand your loss.
The Importance of self-care in an unsupportive environment
If you are navigating pet loss grief in an unsupportive environment, then self-care and self-compassion are more crucial than ever. Think about ways you can create personal space for grieving, such as journalling, creating a memorial for your pet, or choosing a specific time each day when you’re allowed to focus on your grief in a safe environment.
Taking time to reflect, practising mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help channel your grief can all create a sense of support and comfort you might feel is otherwise missing.
If you’re concerned that your grief is becoming overwhelming or complicated, especially in an unsupportive environment, it might be time to seek professional help such as counselling or therapy. You can find some resources to help you here.
Finding your own way to heal
Please be reassured that even if your environment is unsupportive, you can still find ways to honour your feelings and move through the grieving process. This is a highly personal journey, but it’s one that we humans are surprisingly equipped to go on as bereavement is a universal experience.
Remember that everyone will experience grief at some point because it’s what we feel when we miss someone we love. The people around you don’t have to understand your bond with your pet, but we hope they can connect with the fundamental experience of loss.
Once again, we encourage you to reach out to communities like The Ralph Site to connect with others who will understand how you’re feeling. In these spaces, you will find the support you need and deserve.
I can’t get over the guilt and missing.dog Skye she had no life left in her and I had to put her down and mow it’s 11 days and it hurts worse each day passes I miss her so much I cry constantly and I want to know if she made it ok and not in pain she was my life now the house is empty without her it hurts so much people don’t understand the pain I’m dealing with I can’t go on without her I feel so sad I miss her so much i kno she loved me and I love her I’ll never ever forget her
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