Losing a pet can be one of the most heart-wrenching experiences we go through. Our animal friends become beloved members of our families, and their loss can leave a significant void in our lives.
If you’re grieving a pet, it’s important to know that your feelings are valid and normal. In today’s blog, we’ll explore some common thoughts and feelings people have during pet loss grief, which will hopefully reassure you that you’re not alone at this difficult time.
Understanding pet loss grief
The bond between an animal companion and their human carer is profound. Pets provide us with unconditional love, companionship, and joy. They play multiple roles in our lives – friend, sibling, colleague, confidante, child – and see us at our most vulnerable and authentic.
When they pass away, the grief can be as intense as losing a human loved one.
Each person’s grief journey is unique, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. Whether you lost your pet recently or years ago, your feelings are valid.
Common thoughts and feelings when you’re experiencing pet loss grief
As much as grief is a universal experience, it’s also deeply personal. Even if you’ve lost a pet in the past, your grief may be different this time. This will depend on your personal circumstances, the relationship you had with your pet, how and when they died, your support network, and so much more.
One shared element of grief though is how surprising and unpredictable it can be, and how it can impact your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, these thoughts can be overwhelming and unwelcome, even though they’re complete natural.
Through The Ralph Site, we see that common questions or worries include:
“Why aren’t I feeling better yet?”
Grief doesn’t follow a set timeline. You might wonder why you still feel a deep sense of loss weeks, months, or even years after your pet’s death. It’s important to understand that grief is a process, and healing takes time.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions without putting pressure on yourself to “move on” quickly. With time, you will find a way to move forward, but grief isn’t something you can skip over.
“People want me to move on, but I can’t.”
You may feel pressure from others to move past your grief. Well-meaning friends and family might suggest getting another pet or focusing on other activities. However, it’s essential to give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your pet; it means finding a new way to live with their memory.
“Why do I feel so angry?”
Anger is a natural part of the grieving process. You might feel angry at the circumstances of your pet’s death, at yourself, or at others who don’t seem to understand your pain. It’s incredibly common to feel angry that life is carrying on as normal when time feels like it has stopped for you.
Recognise that anger is a normal response to loss. It can be an emotion that helps to keep us safe or that shields us from other emotions, such as guilt, sadness, or fear. Finding healthy outlets for your anger, such as talking to a friend or engaging in physical activity, can help.
“I want to talk about my pet, but no one else does.”
You may find that others avoid talking about your pet, either because they don’t know what to say or because they think it will upset you.
It’s important to express your feelings and memories. Seek out friends, family members, or support groups who understand the bond you shared with your pet and are willing to listen.
Sometimes, it can be helpful to tell people that mentioning your pet won’t make you feel any worse than you already do, and that you would find it comforting to talk about them.
“I can’t face socialising or seeing anyone.”
Grief can be isolating. You might find it difficult to engage in social activities or even leave your home. It’s OK to take time for yourself, but also try to stay connected with others in small ways. Even a text message, a short phone call or a walk with a friend can provide comfort.
“People think I shouldn’t be grieving.”
Some people might not understand the depth of your grief and may make insensitive comments. Remember that your feelings are valid. Grieving a pet is a significant loss, and it’s important to surround yourself with people who respect your feelings.
“I can’t stop replaying my pet’s death in my mind.”
It’s common to replay the events leading up to your pet’s death in your mind. You might question if you could have done something differently or made a different decision. This is a natural part of processing your grief – your brain is trying to make sense of something that feels utterly senseless or beyond comprehension.
Try to focus on the positive memories and the happy times you shared with your pet. We know that’s easier said than done, of course, but it can be helpful to remember your animal friend was so much more than how they died.
Additional common thoughts
The thoughts we’ve mentioned above are just a handful of examples. Bereaved pet carers often experience other thoughts and feelings that are perhaps more specific to the unique challenges of losing an animal companion:
Guilt over the pet’s death
Feelings of guilt are common, especially if you had to make the difficult decision to euthanise your pet. You might wonder if you made the right choice or if you could have done more. Know that you did the best you could with the information and resources you had at the time.
Feeling of emptiness
Your home might feel profoundly empty without your pet’s presence. The space you shared with your pet is now filled with a noticeable absence, and every corner might remind you of the companionship and love they provided. The quiet can be overwhelming, and the lack of their comforting presence can make the grief feel even more intense.
Allow yourself to acknowledge this emptiness and give yourself time to adjust to the new reality of your home. Finding ways to keep their memory alive, such as creating a special memorial space or keeping a favourite bed, toy or blanket can help you cope with this feeling of loss.
Loss of routine
The daily routines you shared with your pet are now disrupted. Some people find it helpful to maintain a similar structure to their day – for example, if you and your dog used to walk at a certain time, continuing to spend this time outside.
However, you may feel that establishing new routines would better help you adjust to life without your pet. Consider finding new hobbies or activities that bring you joy and structure to your day.
Comparing grief
You might find yourself comparing your grief to the loss of other pets or even human loved ones. Grief is personal and unique to each loss. It’s OK to feel that your pet’s death has affected you deeply.
Physical symptoms
Grief can manifest physically, leading to symptoms like fatigue, insomnia, or loss of appetite. It’s important to take care of your physical health during this time. Ensure you’re eating well, getting enough rest, and seeking medical advice if needed.
Fear of future loss
The pain of losing a pet can make you hesitant to adopt another. If you already have another pet, you may find that you can’t stop thinking ahead to their death.
It’s natural to fear going through the same pain again. Take your time to heal, and know that when you’re ready, another pet can bring new joy and companionship into your life.
If you do have a living pet, use them as your inspiration. Our animal friends have an incredible ability to live in the moment rather than worrying about what may or may not happen in the future. They are here with you now and they need your love and guardianship.
Experiencing joy and guilt
You might feel guilty when you start to experience moments of joy again. It’s important to remember that feeling happiness doesn’t mean you’re forgetting your pet. Your friend would want you to find joy in life.
Seeking validation
You may seek validation that others feel the same way you do. Joining support groups or online communities such as The Ralph Site Pet Loss Support Group can help you connect with others who understand your grief.
Finding new purpose
Some pet loss carers find that their bereavement drives them to find a new purpose in life. Finding ways to honour your pet’s memory can provide comfort or a starting point for a passion that will drive you, whether it’s donating to an animal charity, volunteering at a shelter, or campaigning for a special cause in their name.
Your thoughts and feelings are normal
Grieving a pet is a deeply personal experience. All thoughts and feelings should be allowed without judgement.
Allow yourself the time and space to grieve and be patient with yourself. Remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s OK to seek support. Your pet’s memory will always hold a special place in your heart.
Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support