Losing a pet is such a personal experience that sometimes it can seem impossible to share your thoughts and feelings with others. Sadly we all know that there is no magic word that anyone can say to make the pain go away, but it’s so true that the simple act of talking about your experience can often take away some of the hurt. The Ralph Site community was founded on, and operates by, this principle with members and friends supporting each other through difficult times. You might also be lucky enough to have a partner, family member or close friend who you can confide in. Or you may find that it helps to speak to someone you don’t know; which is where the Pet Bereavement Support Service (PBSS) can help.

Pet Bereavement Support Service (Blue Cross)

Trained PBSS volunteers offer emotional support and information without judgement or bias. UK callers can access the support line on 0800 096 6606 and it is open from 8.30am – 8.30pm everyday. All calls are free and confidential from a landline, although if you are calling from a mobile phone, please be aware that some phone networks may charge. Alternatively, if you find it easier to put your feelings in writing, you can also email the Pet Bereavement Support Service on pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk and they will reply within 48 hours. More information is available on the charity’s website.

Many of the volunteers working on the PBSS helpline do so because they wanted to share their own experiences of pet loss and give something back to the charity that helped them. Volunteering has proved to be a cathartic experience for many, and perhaps in time you might wish to consider doing the same?

ALLY

One organisation training people to provide support is ALLY, a community-based service for anyone experiencing the loss of their companion animal. From their base in the SW of England they are gradually expanding their network across the UK, and training opportunities are available for anyone wishing to become an accredited supporter and help others currently going through the loss they have themselves experienced. Find out more at their website.

Just remember that however you may be feeling, you are not alone. Countless others are going through the same painful experience, whilst many more have come through it with the help and support not only of friends and families, but also from strangers. Sometimes help is only a phone call or a click away.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

Please note: The Ralph Site is not affiliated with the third-party organisations in any of the links shared here, and the views, ideas and suggestions expressed in this and other blogs are simply shared with the intention of helping you, our friends, take care of the special animals in your lives.

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site  we heard from Barbara Nunnemacher, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

I have a one-year-old German Shepherd – her name is Hannah and she is a bundle of energy! She can be challenging in this ‘teen period’ so I do have to remind myself that it is just a phase she is going through.  I went through a similar experience with my other two GSDs and they both were amazing fur children.  Hannah will get there too.

Hannah

Then there are my indoor cats:

Allie and Abbie, two baby Torties who were rescue kittens.

Sandman is blonde and Andie a muted Calico – they think they own the house, and that’s OK!

We also have four barn cats and I have seven orphaned kittens living in my greenhouse. On the farm we have four horses, a donkey and twenty five chickens, with two goats coming this spring.
My animals are my children.

2. What was the name of your first pet?

My first pet was named Hobo, a Cairn Terrier.

3. Why did you choose that name?

My husband found him crossing a bridge and brought him home, hence his name. He lived to be 18 years old, and was a truly wonderful companion.

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose? And why?

I think I would have to say cats, just! They are my babies.  We have four cats that take care of our farm: Momma cat, Cupcake, Chester 1 and Chester 2.

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

Taking our therapy German Shepherd Tessie to visit war veterans one Christmas Eve and meeting a veteran dying of cancer.  He looked up at us, his hand on Tessie’s head, smiled and said “Thank you, a dog to pet on Christmas Eve was the best gift I ever received”. Needless to say there was not a dry eye in the room. She was a great girl, working for twelve years with our veterans.

6. Which three words would you choose to describe her?

Loyal, kind-hearted and loving.

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Lassie. I grew up watching the television show and movies – she was exactly what a family dog meant to me.  Also Rin Tin Tin, because I love German Shepherds!

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I would be an eagle, so I could soar through the sky.

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

I would tell them to let the grief happen, cry when you need to and gather all the wonderful memories you can about your much-loved fur baby. That is what I am doing now, as I am still grieving for Katie who passed over a year ago.

Katie with Sarah (donkey)

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

Very soon after Katie passed I was searching online for information to help me learn about grieving, and I found this site.  The best thing I ever did for myself – thank you Shailen.

Katie’s memorial garden

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the last week of every month we take a look back at the crazy creatures and amazing animals that have made the headlines in recent weeks. Here’s a reminder of what February’s headlines told us about some of the animals that share our planet:

Brave dogs honoured with PDSA Gold medal

Ozzy the German Shepherd and his handler PC Brian Tennant received this prestigious accolade this month for their fearless capture of a knife-wielding attacker in Falkirk, Stirlingshire. The award was presented at a special ceremony at the Scottish Parliament, where two other dogs received the PDSA’s Order of Merit:

•  Fellow police dog Sweep, a cocker spaniel, was recognised for his outstanding service as a detection dog, tracing drugs, weapons, cash and poisonous substances during his eight-year law enforcement career
•  Sabakka, a 13 year old Labrador, was honoured for her role within the NHS, helping people with learning difficulties
  How lovely to see our four-legged friends recognised for their outstanding achievements!

Trump’s planned Mexican wall threatens 111 endangered species

Scientists recently revealed the results of environmental impact work undertaken following the president’s proposed wall along the US-Mexico border. The likely route of the 1,000-mile wall will pass through four wildlife reserves in the US side, and a number of nature reserves on the Mexican side. Writing in The Ecologist, Dr. Shonil Bhagwat, a senior lecturer in Geography at the Open University, finds that “as well as destroying natural habits, building a concrete wall would split animal populations in half, making it harder for them to breed and increasing the risk of disease.” Species at risk include ocelots, bears, Bighorn sheep, the US’s last remaining wild jaguars, and the bald eagle – the national bird of America.

Give a dog a home

Finally, in very welcome news from across the pond, this month officials in San Francisco have banned the sale of non-rescue cats and dogs at pet stores across the city, along with banning the sale of any animal under the age of eight weeks. The move is designed to help combat puppy farming and ultimately work towards ensuring that all pets start their lives in safe, hygienic and caring environments. San Francisco city council’s animal department, along with the city’s branch of the SPCA charity, currently re-home more than 6,000 animals each year and it is hoped that this new law will raise numbers even further. A happy note to end on this time!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Valerie Allcock, who shared some of her animal companions and has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

I have an eleven-year-old cat named Bonnie and a dog named Tenor, who is two.
I rescued Bonnie from Limassol in Cyprus in 2008 after finding him lying on a beach walkway with a broken leg, desperately ill. With the help of a friend I got him to a vet and after five days he was taken to a rescue centre in Paphos, where I agreed to sponsor him whilst he got well, before bringing him to England. He arrived at Manchester Airport via ‘Pets on Jets’ in January 2009 and I have never once regretted saving his life that day.

Tenor arrived in England from Romania in September 2016.  I had followed his life story via Facebook since he was a tiny puppy, found abandoned outside the gates of a rescue centre in September 2014 (shortly after I had lost my beautiful German Shepherd dog Tara to the devastating effects of epilepsy).

I felt a strange bond with this young Collie-type dog, and after two long sad years of tears and depression, my husband finally agreed we could adopt him. He has already brought us both such happiness in the five months we have had him.
I rescued him, but in truth he has rescued me.

Tara was our sixth German Shepherd rescue in many years – her predecessors Sultan, Dinah, Oscar, Rudi and Casper were all beautiful, faithful dogs who each lived long happy lives.  After losing Tara we decided she would be our last. So Tenor is with us now, happily settled into our lives and our home.  I firmly believe he was destined to be here.

2. What was the name of your first pet?

My first pet was named Bess.  She was a fluffy white Terrier.

3. Why did you choose that name?

I was only a child at the time, and I had an Enid Blyton book about a dog called Bess.

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose? And why?

I love all animals, but I would have to say dogs – they offer unconditional love in return for very little: to love and be loved, to be safe, have a full tummy and just to share your everyday life.  I have been so lucky to have shared my life with so many wonderful characters.

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

That is courtesy of my German Shepherd Rudi, who I remember playing with my two granddaughters in a paddling pool in our back garden.  They were three and five years old, and now both are in their teens they still talk about those happy times.

6. Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Adorable, loving and faithful.

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Rupert the Bear.  As a child, my father would read me a story about Rupert every night. Those times were very precious.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I would be a dolphin – I am a Pisces and love the sea!

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

I would say that grieving over a treasured pet is perfectly normal and would offer my support for as long as needed.  Some people feel guilt or fear that they are ‘being childish’ but the loss of a pet is immense – they share our lives for many years and in so many ways.  I would advise never to be afraid to seek help from your own doctor if your grief is making you ill; this is something I had to do myself and I was so grateful for the help and compassion he gave me.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

After losing Tara, a friend recommended The Ralph Site to me. Its most important role is to bring so many grieving people together, to offer compassion and comfort at a time of deep sadness.  We all understand because we too have been in the same dark place: we share, we support and most importantly, we listen and care.  My favourite saying for The Ralph Site is that ‘Strangers become Friends’ and this has certainly been very true for me.  Without the support of so many, who have indeed become wonderful friends, I doubt my life would be anywhere near as happy as it is now.
We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

One question we’re often asked is, “when is the right time to look for another pet?”

Of course the honest answer is that there isn’t one simple response – some people are so distraught by their previous bereavement and accompanying grief that they never want to have to go through the process of losing a friend again. Others may feel that they still have so much love to give, and by welcoming a new pet into their lives they are able to honour the memory of a much-missed friend. And sometimes, as is so often the case in life, fate steps in and circumstances take over before you’ve had chance to rationalise or consider – sometimes you just know (or you just can’t say no!)

What we can say with certainty is that grief and loss are incredibly powerful, personal experiences that cannot be defined or explained. None of us will ever know how we will cope with loss, and indeed the level of ‘coping’ will vary hugely from day to day. That’s why the best advice is usually to wait a while before deciding on a new pet; and only you can decide how long this time needs to be.

Some practical factors to consider might include:

•  What else is going on in your life? If you are about to undergo a period of change or stress, such as moving home, switching jobs, taking a holiday or undergoing an operation, it would be sensible to delay bringing home a new pet until such a time as you are able to commit the required time and resources to helping him or her settle in.
•  Your general sense of positivity. Whilst none of us ever forget the much-loved friends we have lost, for most people a time does come when we are able to think about the predominantly happy memories of our time with them, rather than dwelling on the more recent time without them. Once you have reached this point, you may feel that it is appropriate for you to move forward with a new friend, a new relationship.
•  Fostering or looking after pets for friends and family. It can be difficult to know for sure if you are ready to take on a new pet, and so fostering for a local rescue centre can be a great way to enjoy some time with a new friend, without the full commitment. Similarly, offering holiday care for a dog or cat known to you is another good way to test out how you are going to feel about having another animal in your life.

Often we may feel guilty if we bring home another companion – it can seem as though we are trying to replace a friend, attempting to fill a very specific pet-shaped hole with another pet. Of course this is not the case – those of us who care for animals are drawn to the individual personalities and traits of each. We don’t simply ‘get a new pet’; we choose to share our love and our lives with a unique character. Nor do we just ‘get a dog’, we welcome George, or Spot, or Snowy into our home and our heart.

So whilst we can’t tell you when is the right time to bring home a new friend, we can tell you that you shouldn’t ever feel guilty about doing it. You will know when the time is right, and it won’t matter what anyone else says. Sharing your life with a furry friend is both a privilege and a joy, and denying yourself the opportunity to love and be loved again would be such a shame – especially when there are so many animals looking for a lap to sit on, and adventures to share.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support