If you’re reading this article because you’re grieving the loss of a cat, first let us say that we’re sorry for your loss.
Cats are enigmatic, affectionate, and more than a bit magical. They have a way of weaving themselves into the fabric of our lives, curling up in our hearts as easily as they curl up on our laps. From their mischievous antics to their quiet companionship, cats enrich our lives in countless ways. Losing them can leave a profound emptiness that’s hard to put into words.
The unique bond with cats
The quote below comes from Matt Haig’s novel, The Life Impossible, and sums up perfectly why the love of a cat is so special.
“I know there is a common misconception that cats are somehow less loving than dogs. This is nonsense. The love a cat can give you is sudden and warm. It is just that a cat’s love comes completely free of any moral or ethical principles. It is love for the hell of it. It is an entirely recreational love. In-the-moment love. But it is still, somehow, love.”
Cats are known for their independence, but the bond they form with their humans is extraordinary. When you’re the focus of happy purring, kneading, slow blinks, gift giving (albeit, sometimes unwanted gifts!), or their gentle presence, it’s such a privilege. They choose us, and their love often feels earned, making it all the more special.
When they’re gone, it’s not just their physical presence we miss but this quiet sense of acceptance, understanding, and fully requited love.
Cats often know when we’re feeling down and find subtle ways to comfort us. It takes time to process that loss of solace. If possible, try to share your grief with friends, family, or pet loss communities who can offer support and validation. Sharing your memories and talking about your cat’s unique personality can be a healing way to honour them while helping others understand your grief.
Missing their presence
There will be many ways that you miss your cat’s presence.
Whether they had a habit of curling up beside you, greeting you at the door after work, stealing your pillow at night, or simply being a comforting presence in your home, it’s understandable if their absence has left an enormous void.
The routines you shared – feeding times, morning cuddles, evening play sessions – may now feel painfully empty. Even the small, quiet moments, like the sound of their purr or the sight of them basking in a sunbeam, are deeply missed.
It can be helpful to honour these routines in a new way. Perhaps you can set aside time to reflect on happy memories or create a meaningful habit to mark the significant moments in each day. Grieving takes time and how you find comfort is a deeply personal process.
When a cat leaves us: age, illness, and the unexpected
Cats have the potential to live long and fulfilling lives, often reaching their late teens or even early twenties with good care and good fortune. This longevity means they become deeply woven into our daily routines and family life, making their absence even more profound.
After so many years of shared experiences, the loss of a long-lived cat can feel like saying goodbye to a lifelong friend, leaving a space that time alone can’t easily fill.
And let’s not forget that cats are masters of disguise when it comes to their health, often hiding signs of illness until it’s too late to intervene. This can leave you questioning whether you could or should have done more.
If you had to make the decision to help your cat pass peacefully, you might be grappling with feelings of doubt or guilt over the timing.
Sometimes, the loss of a cat comes in sudden and tragic ways. Cats are natural explorers, and their independent nature often leads them outdoors, where risks such as traffic or becoming lost are present.
Losing a cat to an accident, or having a cat go missing without closure, can intensify feelings of guilt, helplessness, and grief. In these situations, it’s important to remind yourself that you provided a loving home and allowed your feline friend the freedom to live as their curious, adventurous self.
Whatever the circumstances, you only ever acted out of love and with the best intentions. Your cat was loved, and that’s what matters most.
The emotional and physical symptoms of grief
Grief is never simple, and when it comes to losing a cat, it can stir up a range of emotions. You might feel sadness, guilt, anger, disbelief, or even relief if your cat had been ill for some time.
These feelings are all part of the grieving process and will depend on your unique circumstances.
Grief doesn’t just affect your emotions; it takes a toll on the body too. You might notice changes in your sleep, appetite, concentration, or energy levels. It’s important to listen to your body and give yourself permission to rest and recover.
Take things one step at a time. Gentle exercise, nourishing meals, and moments of quiet reflection can help you find balance. And remember, it’s OK to seek help if you’re struggling – you don’t have to face grief alone.
Finding support
If you’re finding it hard to cope, know that there are people and resources to support you. Pet loss helplines, grief counsellors, and online communities like The Ralph Site’s Facebook group can provide a safe space to share your feelings and find understanding.
Grief can feel isolating, but you are not alone. Many others understand the pain of losing a cat and can offer empathy and support.
Memorialising your cat
If you’re looking for a comforting way to process your grief and celebrate your cat’s life, then you might want to create a memorial. This could be a photo album, a piece of artwork, or planting a tree or flowers in their honour. Some people find solace in keeping a favourite toy or collar as a keepsake.
Writing about your cat – their quirks, the joy they brought, the ways they made you laugh – can also be a healing exercise. These tributes serve as a reminder of the happiness they brought into your life and keep their memory alive.
It can also be helpful to create new rituals to maintain a sense of connection and continue your bond with your feline friend. This might include lighting a candle for them, spending time in a favourite spot where they loved to nap, or journaling your feelings about them.
Remembering the joy
In the early stages of grief, it can be hard to focus on anything but the loss. Over time, though, the memories of your cat’s life will start to shine brighter than the pain of their passing. You’ll remember the way they made you smile, the comfort they brought, the quirks that were unique to them, and the unconditional love they gave.
For now, be gentle with yourself. Grieve in your own way and at your own pace. Your cat was one of a kind, and the love you shared will always be a part of you.
Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support