Some animal friends do more than offer love and companionship. They become our safe place. They help us survive things we don’t know how to explain, things we might not have survived otherwise. 

If you’ve lost an animal friend like this, someone who might be termed a “trauma companion”, then your grief may feel especially deep, complicated, or raw. You might not know how to begin untangling it. And that’s OK. 

More than a companion 

For people who live with trauma, anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, an animal companion can offer something few humans can: consistent, unconditional presence. 

Maybe your dog lay across your chest during panic attacks, grounding you and helping you breathe. Maybe your cat curled up beside you when no one else knew you were hurting, staying close without needing you to explain. Maybe your rabbit, guinea pig, snake, or bird gave you a reason to get out of bed each day, reminding you that your presence mattered. 

These animal friends become emotional anchors. Their routines give us structure. Their physical presence helps regulate our nervous systems. The sound of their breathing, the weight of their body, the feel of their fur or feathers against our skin can all bring a powerful sense of security, calm and connection. 

When you’ve experienced trauma, the world can feel unpredictable and unsafe. An animal companion often brings reliability and peace in a way that builds trust over time. Their companionship might feel like the only part of life that made sense. 

It’s not “just” grief 

If your furry, feathered or scaly friend was part of your healing journey, losing them might feel like losing part of yourself. You may feel as though the progress you’d made is slipping away, like you’re back in the darkest place you ever were. You might even feel ashamed for struggling so deeply. 

But please know, you’re not going backwards. 

Grief is not a sign that you’re broken, that your feelings are unusual, or that you won’t find a way to move forwards. It’s a sign of the depth of your connection. 

You are grieving a very real, very significant loss. One that touches parts of you that other people may never see. One that deserves space and compassion. 

You don’t have to justify your pain. It matters. 

What makes it harder 

Sometimes, the people around us don’t understand the grief of losing an animal companion. They may say things like: “It was just a dog”, “You can get another one”, or “At least it wasn’t a person”. 

Comments like these can feel dismissive or even cruel, especially when your animal friend was your emotional lifeline. They weren’t an “it”, an item to be replaced like a mobile phone or a piece of furniture; they were a sentient being, a once-in-existence individual, and they deserve to be remembered as such. 

On top of that, the grief of losing them might stir up other pain. Their death may reactivate old wounds or unresolved trauma. You might feel abandoned all over again. You might find yourself revisiting past losses, childhood grief, or times you felt unseen or unsupported. Please know that this “normal” (if there is such a thing!) 

Grief rarely arrives in neat packages. It tends to show up in waves, and it often carries echoes from other times in your life – the ‘Ball in the Box’ analogy explains this brilliantly. 

How to cope: gentle steps forward 

Grief after losing a trauma companion can feel overwhelming, even terrifying. But there are ways to support yourself through it. 

Here are some ideas that might help: 

• Allow yourself to feel. Try not to rush your grief or push it aside. Cry if you need to. Sit in silence. Name your feelings without judgement. All of it is valid. 

• Create a grief ritual. Light a candle in their memory. Write them a letter. Talk to them out loud. Rituals can offer comfort and a sense of connection. 

• Keep a journal. Record memories, emotions, and anything else that helps you express what you’re going through. Writing can provide clarity and relief. 

• Speak with a therapist. A counsellor, particularly one trained in trauma, grief and/or pet loss, can help you process your loss in a safe, supportive space. 

• Reach out to others. Consider joining a grief group (in person or online) or connecting with others who understand what it’s like to lose an animal companion who helped them through trauma.  

• Create something lasting. A scrapbook, a memorial, a piece of art, or a donation in their name can offer a sense of legacy and continuity. 

• Visualise your animal friend by your side. Some people find comfort in imagining their beloved companion sitting beside them, offering silent support. Even though your animal friend is no longer physically present, picturing them nearby can help you feel grounded, supported, and less alone. 

• Spend time with nature or other animals. If and when it feels right, being with other living beings or in calming environments may soothe your nervous system. 

Some people find it helpful to make a plan for how you want to handle the tough moments: anniversaries, certain times of day, or routines that now feel empty. Having supportive people on standby, comforting activities lined up, or even calming breathing exercises can ease the intensity. 

You are not alone 

If your animal companion was your safe place, grieving them can feel like the ground has shifted beneath you. It can be isolating, especially if others don’t understand. 

But please know, you are not alone. 

Many people have experienced this kind of loss. It’s profound. It’s real. And it matters. 

Your animal friend saw you in your hardest moments and stayed by your side. They made a difference in your life. Their love doesn’t disappear. It lives on in your heart, your memories, and the strength they helped you find. 

Shailen and The Ralph Site team 
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support