If you’ve recently lost a beloved animal companion, you may be wrestling with the idea of returning to the place they died. You might want to do everything in your power to avoid going there or, conversely, feel drawn to visit it. 

You may feel that returning to the scene of your companion’s death will give you clarity about what happened or bring you closer to them. It might be somewhere that’s easy to avoid, or somewhere that’s been a regular or important part of your life, and you want to return. 

If your companion died at home, you probably feel a desperate need to make peace with being there. This can be challenging when your loved one’s final moments are so fresh in your mind. 

Many people feel a similar conflict about where to bury or scatter their companion’s ashes and how it might feel to visit in the future. 

Will you always associate these places with loss, or can visiting them help you heal? 

In each of these scenarios, the challenge is knowing what will help you, both in the short- and long-term, as you find a way to move forward. 

As with so many decisions associated with grief and mourning, there’s no right or wrong way of doing things, only what feels possible, and kind to yourself, in the moment. 

Things to consider before revisiting 

If you’re thinking about returning to the place where your animal companion died or is buried, it can help to reflect gently on your needs and emotional readiness first. 

• Self-awareness: Take a moment to tune in to your current emotional state. Are you feeling strong enough to face what might arise? Could this visit offer peace or connection, or is the pain too raw right now? 

• Support: If you anticipate needing comfort, consider taking someone you trust with you – a friend or family member, or even a fellow grieving carer. If no one is available, you might want to check in with a support group before or after your visit. 

• Alternatives: If the exact place feels too difficult or is no longer accessible, you might find solace in creating a different kind of memorial. Visiting a meaningful spot, planting a tree or special flower, making a scrapbook, or lighting a candle can all serve as healing rituals in their own right. 

How to approach the visit 

If and when you feel ready to go back, you might find it helpful to approach the visit with gentleness and intention. 

• Prepare yourself: If the location is unfamiliar now or has changed in some way, gathering a little information in advance might help you feel more grounded. 

• Create a safe space: Choose a time and setting that feel as calm and private as possible. If you’re at home, perhaps set aside a quiet part of the day. If you’re visiting a grave or vet clinic, you might want to go at a quieter time. 

• Be open and honest with yourself: There is no right way to feel. Grief is unpredictable. Let yourself cry, smile, speak aloud, or say nothing at all. Whatever surfaces is valid. 

• Talk about it: After your visit, it can help to talk about your experience with someone who understands. Just putting your thoughts into words can bring relief and connection. 

• And if you’re the one offering support… Try to listen without trying to fix. Acknowledging what the other person is feeling, without judgement, can make all the difference. 

Graves, gardens, and goodbye places 

If your animal companion is buried in a garden or special spot, visiting can offer a tangible connection. Some people find peace in tending the area, placing flowers, or simply sitting nearby. 

For others, it’s just too painful. 

Having a grave or memorial space can stir memories – not just of the death, but of the decisions surrounding it – or it may reopen wounds that are still healing. 

Sometimes, time makes it easier. Sometimes, it doesn’t. Only you can decide whether you want a “goodbye place” to visit. 

Certainly, when a human dies, many of us find it comforting to spend time at a graveside or memorial. These spaces provide room for ongoing connection, the expression of grief, solace, and reflection. A growing number of people feel that carers of companion animals deserve the same. 

If it’s important to you to have a memorial space, think about what you’d like it to look like. Do you need a formal grave, or would a special plant in your garden give you a focal point for connection? Could a photo or pawprint in a favourite room be enough? 

And if you’re unsure, it’s OK to wait. Over time, your perspective may change. As you begin to focus more on your animal friend’s life than their death, you may find that your feelings about visiting such places shift too.

When home is the place 

If your companion died at home or lived there for many years, even ordinary things can become painful reminders of the loss. The empty bed in the corner. The space by the door. The silence where once there was movement. 

Routines may echo with their absence, and certain objects or rooms may feel difficult to face. 

Grief often attaches itself to places, objects, and rituals. A particular chair, rug, or view might trigger vivid memories of your companion’s final moments, or the life you shared. 

These constant reminders can feel comforting at times and overwhelming at others.  

To cope, some people find it helpful to slowly soften the associations. This might involve changing the layout of a room, moving a piece of furniture, or putting up a new picture. These gentle changes can help reclaim the space, sending the quiet message: 
“This is still my home. I’m allowed to keep living here. I’m still here.” 

Even small changes like moving a lamp or adding a plant can break patterns of avoidance and create a sense of safety and renewal. 

For others, it helps to leave things as they are. Keeping a bed, bowl, or toy in its usual spot might feel grounding, or like a form of respect. 

Both approaches, and anything in between, are entirely valid. 

If you do make changes, remind yourself: you’re not erasing your companion’s presence. You’re simply trying to find your footing in a space that now holds both love and loss. 

When you can’t go back 

Sometimes, the place where your companion died or was buried is no longer accessible. It might be the vet clinic you can’t face, a former home or garden, or the site of an accident. 

This can bring a unique layer of grief. Not being able to revisit the space might feel like another loss, a door that’s closed before you were ready. 

But memory is a powerful place, too. 

You don’t need to physically journey to where your companion died to honour your loss or find meaning in it. That ability lives within you. 

Vet clinics and difficult memories 

For many people, the final goodbye happens at a veterinary practice. These visits often leave strong emotional imprints. Just the thought of going back, for any reason, can trigger a wave of grief. 

If you’re struggling, consider phoning ahead. Let the receptionist know how you’re feeling. They may be able to suggest a quiet time or even meet you outside, so you don’t need to wait inside the clinic. 

You don’t have to be brave, just honest about what you need. 

And if you choose never to return, that’s OK too. You’re allowed to protect your wellbeing. 

What revisiting can bring 

Returning to the place where a loved one died can be a key step in healing. For some, it helps to integrate the loss into the wider story of love. It can also bring a sense of closeness, a place to speak your thoughts aloud and say what wasn’t said. 

You might feel waves of emotion. You might feel nothing at all. You might feel peace, or longing, or even a kind of comfort. 

Only you will know 

We say it often at The Ralph Site, but it bears repeating: There’s no rulebook for grief and no checklist for healing (though we wish it were that simple). 

Whether or not you revisit the place where your animal friend died or is buried is a deeply personal choice. 

You might go and feel a little lighter. You might decide you’re not ready. You might never want to go back. 

It’s your choice, and you can always change your mind. 

Love makes places sacred, but your memories travel with you, wherever you are. What matters most is that you give yourself the grace to feel whatever comes. 

Just know that whatever you do or don’t do, the bond you shared with your animal companion remains. 

Shailen and The Ralph Site team  
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support