In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Shelley Mowbray, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

Sadly no – after losing Archie, our beautiful fourteen and a half year old Cavalier King Charles last June, as a family we are still not ready to open our home to another little fur-puppy…yet!

2. What was the name of your first pet?

Lassie. She was a stunning tri-colour border collie and I had her from a puppy when I was three years old.

3.Why did you choose the name?

I think she was named after the popular children’s TV programme ‘Lassie’.

4.Cats, dogs, or another species? Can you choose?! And why?

It’s always dogs for me. We’ve had many pets over the years – hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, dogs and birds – but my heart will always be won over by the unconditional love of a dog.

5.What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

Oh my goodness, Archie gave us fourteen and a half years of precious memories, but my absolute favourite would be the excitement he had about Christmas.. Archie adored Christmas! From laying on my wrapping paper while I tried to gift wrap, to crawling under the tree and getting covered in pine needles, and not forgetting the overwhelming excitement of opening his presents. When Santa had been on Christmas Eve, Archie would sit by his pile of pressies and, like our girls, he would be allowed to open one gift before bedtime. He would hold the present in his little paws, while ripping off the paper and throwing it over his shoulder!

On Christmas morning he would run downstairs in front of me and wait patiently by his gifts until I’d made breakfast and the family was downstairs, when the mayhem of parcel opening would begin. We had the exact same ritual every single year. Who said dogs don’t have memories?! Archie personified the magic of Christmas for us.

There are many little memories I shall miss. I miss his snoring. I miss how he would wait for me on the stairs with his legs crossed like a grumpy old man when I’d been gone longer than was doggy acceptable. I miss his commando walk across the carpet, I miss our snuggles and the smell of his warm neck when he had just woken up. A lifetime of ‘little misses’ that make up my memories.

6.Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Loyal, patient and lovable.
On one of our many visits to the vets in Archie’s later years, the vet looked into his eyes and said, “This boy has a beautiful soul”. If I could sum him up, it is with those words.

7.What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Pooh bear. Wise old Pooh, with his many quotes full of wisdom. My children adored him.

8.If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

A dog. My husband has always said he thinks I was one in a previous life (in the nicest possible way, you understand!) as I always curl up in front of the fire to toast my bones in the winter. It was a fight between me and Archie who got the closest. He always won of course!

9.What advice would you give to someone who is grieving for a much-loved pet?

Let yourself grieve, allow yourself to cry and talk about your pet to keep him alive in your heart. Many people who are not lucky enough to have known the deep love of a pet family member will not understand this. You may see their eyes roll, or get the comment “it was only a dog/cat” or “aren’t you over it yet?” All these things are said and thought by people who have missed out on so much. The love we share with our pets is often deeper than the love we have for some humans. I grieved so deeply for Archie I literally thought I would fall apart. I was lucky to have a husband who took a week off work to be with me and share in the sadness, and two beautiful girls who shared my pain too.
Do not feel you have to hide your pain. Grief is grief no matter whether in human or animal form, and should be accepted and respected as such.

10.When and how did you come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I came across the site while I was wracked with grief and guilt at having had to make the hardest decision to help our Archie cross over to the Rainbow Bridge. Even though I had the support and love of my family, I was grieving so much deeper than anyone else. That’s not to belittle my family, they would agree with me. My husband and girls went back to work and kept themselves busy, but my life for fourteen years (especially the last two years) had totally revolved around Archie. I wondered round the empty house in a daze, not understanding why I felt so totally bereft.

I googled and then facebook searched ‘pet loss’, and there was my answer – The Ralph Site has been my rock. I know I can go on there at any time of day or night, whether it’s to put up a random memory or photograph, or to share my utmost sadness when the grief has been too much that day, and there will always be someone there – not judging me, but with a kind word and a listening ear. Sharing photos of Archie and having a lovely comment underneath it may not mean much to some, but to me it means the world. It means someone has looked at my beloved boy and seen what I see and miss.

The most important role of the site, I feel, is providing support and understanding. Letting each other know its OK to grieve. It’s OK to want to scream at the world and ask why? It’s OK to just not be OK today. Understanding the grief of our pet family is unique; it’s why this site is so important. I was explaining it to my eldest daughter and she was very sceptical about sharing my pictures and feelings about Archie. Only after explaining to her that The Ralph Site had actually got me through those excruciatingly sad moments that I didn’t want to burden anyone else with, that I hadn’t wanted to make the family around me sad by bringing up my sadness, that I could talk and comfort others in the same situation with a kind word, did she get it.

Thank you Shailen for The Ralph Site.
I shall always be forever grateful x

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support 

And it’s OK not to be.

Losing a loved one is always devastating.
But whilst the sense of loss is universally intense, it is also uniquely experienced – no two people will feel the same way, just as the same person may feel different every time they experience loss.

It seems obvious to say, and yet so often society and well-meaning friends assume that we are following a predictable and understandable process of grieving. There is no ‘right’ way to react or feel following the loss of a much-loved pet, and it’s impossible to know how you will feel in advance. Preparing for an inevitable end is not necessarily easier than experiencing a sudden loss.

People may say to you: “it’s only a pet” or “but it’s been ages now”, as if there is an acceptable time to feel bad, and after that point you simply have to switch off and move on.
Others may secretly wonder why you don’t seem sad; how can you have moved on so quickly?
It’s important to keep in mind that everybody means well; they are either trying to help you move towards happier times, or preparing you for a delayed reaction. Take on board any comments that you find helpful, and simply disregard those that you don’t – try not to magnify your grief with anger or sadness directed towards others. Because grief, in all its forms, is a personal process.

You might find it comforting to keep a photograph or a memento of your pet with you at all times. On the other hand, perhaps you find this morbid or upsetting.
Both reactions are perfectly normal, and equally OK.

You might feel that you don’t want your pet’s ashes returning. Or you might wish to plan a trip to a favourite beach and scatter them over the dunes where he/she loved to run.
Either course of action (and of course anything and everything else in between) is just fine.

You might find it helpful to read the experiences of others who are going through the same emotions as you. The Ralph Site public Facebook page  and private Facebook group offer a non-judgemental space to offer advice, ask for support or simply to share memories of a wonderful companion.
There are also lots of links to useful websites and organisations offering support through the grieving process on The Ralph Site. You might not be ready for them right now, and indeed you might not feel that you ever need them, but resources such as these are available for you to consult if, or when, you do.

Of course, there is no website or blog that can take away the pain of loss, but there is comfort to be found in the knowledge that you are not alone, that it’s OK to feel how you are feeling.
And it will ease:

Grief never ends,
But it changes.
It’s a passage,
Not a place to stay.
The sense of loss
Must give way
If we are to value
The life that was lived.
Grief is not a sign of weakness
Nor lack of faith
It is the price of love.

~Author unknown

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team.
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

Please note: The Ralph Site is not affiliated with the third-party organisations in any of the links shared here, and the views, ideas and suggestions expressed in this and other blogs are simply shared with the intention of helping you, our friends, take care of the special animals in your lives.

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Susie Follin, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

I only have Alfe at the moment, he’s a peaches and cream kind of cat, with piercing blue eyes.
He’s in remission from IMHA*, having been diagnosed in 2015.
[*Shailen added: IMHA is a disease where a cat’s immune system destroys his/her own red blood cells causing a shortage (anaemia).]

2. What was the name of your first pet?

My first cat was called Poppy, she was white and black and we had some great times together.

3. Why did you choose that name?

She came to me with the name already – I rescued her when she was 18 months old and we lived together until she reached the ripe old age of 17. Poppy was a proper lady.

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose?! And why?!

For me it is always cats – they are mysterious creatures (I believe they have psychic abilities) and will never be ruled by anybody else!

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

It’s very hard to choose, as I have lots of happy memories. The one that sticks in my mind is
Charlie – he was so human-like, he used to sit around the fire in the garden with us all whenever we were outside. He particularly loved BBQs and fireworks! Charlie would sit beneath the gazebo in a comfy chair until everyone went home, having made sure he got a tasty something from every guest.
I do miss him.

6. Which three words would you choose to describe him?

My best boy.

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

I would have to say Scooby Doo, I love his scruffiness! He’s rough and ready, but soft with it.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I’d be a cat – they have the life of Riley and are so fastidious and clever. Not bad things to aim for!

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

I would tell anyone going through this terrible experience to go with the grief; cry to your heart’s content if you have to and don’t feel guilty or silly.
Remember. Reminisce. Ramble. Do whatever you have to, and one day you will remember with a smile and not a tear. That I promise x

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I came across The Ralph Site when Alfe first became ill – I really thought he was going to die, as did the vets. I poured my heart out to the community and the response I got was breath taking – people cared; really, really had compassion and they helped me feel not quite so alone.
When I lost Flea the year later I got all the support I needed once again from the wonderful people at The Ralph Site.
I have made some very special friends too – they know who they are!

The most important role of any strong community is being there with love and compassion – that’s exactly what the amazing Ralph Site does.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the last week of every month we take a look back at the crazy creatures and amazing animals that have made the headlines in recent weeks. Here’s a reminder of what May’s headlines told us about some of the animals that share our planet:

UK’s first Alabama Rot conference held as deaths near 100

Many dog carers have never heard of this very serious disease, for which there is currently no cure, but vets are reporting cases from increasingly disparate parts of the UK. Alabama Rot was first discovered in the US during the late 1980s, but was not confirmed in Britain until December 2012. Since then, 98 dogs have died from the disease, with 15 cases confirmed already in 2017 – it proves fatal in 9 out of 10 dogs. Outward signs include lesions on the skin and occasionally in the mouth, which can easily be mistaken for bites, wounds or stings. Tiny clots then form in the infected dog’s blood vessels, causing blockages and ultimately kidney failure. If you spot any unusual sores on your dog, please seek further advice from a vet as soon as possible – the disease is thankfully rare but early diagnosis and treatment help improve the chances of recovery.

Uncle Fat put on a strict diet

The internet had a field day this month with the story of Uncle Fat, a morbidly obese wild macaque in Thailand who had grown to three times his normal size on a diet of junk food scavenged from tourists. (He weighs a massive 26kg, and should be closer to 9kg!)

Concerned for his health, local officials managed to catch the chunky monkey so they can control his calorie intake and ensure that his diet consists of more typical fruit, vegetables and lean proteins. Apparently the clever creature had trained several monkey minions to bring food to him once he became too large to move around. Once his weight returns to normal levels, Uncle Fat will be released back into the wild, where he will hopefully also need a new name!…

Omar the Maine Coon soon to be crowned the world’s longest cat?!

This month Omar, a beautiful ginger and white Maine Coon from Melbourne, found out that he is in the running for the record of ‘longest cat in the world’. Omar is already quite the king of social media, with 51,600 followers on Instagram! In fact, Guinness World Records called his owner Stephanie Hirst after seeing photos of the enormous feline on his Instagram feed – he measures 120cm in length and weighs in at 14kg. Omar is awaiting final confirmation from the clipboards and tape measures, but he looks on track to beat the reigning world record holder, Ludo (from the UK) who is ‘only’ 118.3cm long!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the latest of our series of mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Julia Aldred, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

I currently live with nine cats, one dog, two rabbits (who live outside) and eight fish!

2. What was the name of your first pet?

I grew up with a house full of pets, although the first one who was truly mine was a Siamese kitten named Sharni.

3. Why did you choose that name?

My mum had had a Siamese cat when she first got married, called Shanei. I liked the name but didn’t want to copy, so I changed it slightly.

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose?! And why?!

I love all animals – when I was young I was besotted with horses and I got my first one when I was 14. Having said that, cats have always been a huge part of my life. A vet I once worked for was fascinated by the affinity I seemed to have with cats and told me I should take time to study for a career in Cat Behaviour. Unfortunately as a young mother, I couldn’t afford not to be earning a wage, so I never got the opportunity to pursue this. I do seem to bond with cats quite easily, and my friends laugh and call me The Cat Whisperer. I’m sure I’d have been burnt at the stake as a witch if I’d been born in medieval times!

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

Oh this is hard! My lovely old horses, my faithful old dogs, or one of my many cats? All have given me so many happy memories.

I will go with my horse, Zingo – a Welsh Cob I was bought aged 14 for doing well in my exams. I had to get myself a part-time Saturday job in the local newsagents to help pay for his keep, as that was part of the deal, along with babysitting for our next-door neighbour.

He was such a naughty horse when I got him, always putting his head down for grass and because he was so strong I couldn’t pull it up again! When I got off to shorten the reins, he’d turn round and bite my behind as I was trying to remount! Gradually I learned how to work with him, and we were together for 28 years.

In those years we had many funny escapades. He could never pass the petrol station without me having to call into the shop and buy him a packet of Polo mints. He insisted on saying ‘please’ by lifting his front leg, and pawing the air if he spotted anyone eating crisps or Polos. He could break into any pocket on a coat if he smelled mints – he was obsessed! But he was the sweetest natured creature – he taught both my children not to fear horses, and he was the favourite mount of the Riding for the Disabled classes we used to do for a local school.

He was just over 31 when I finally had to say goodbye and send him over Rainbow Bridge, as he had gone off his legs.

6. Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Loyal, loving and unforgettable x

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Probably a Unicorn, because they are the spirit of love and peace.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I’d be a cat – they are such elegant, aloof creatures, but so loving if they choose. Cats are both independent and needy, so to be loved by your cat and not just used as a meal ticket, is truly fulfilling.

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

Take as long as you need to grieve, and don’t listen to anyone who thinks there is something wrong with you because you’re crying for ‘just an animal’! Our companions are not ‘just’ animals; they are part of the family. Talk to people who also have pets who will understand your grief. If things are really getting too bad, then don’t be afraid to seek medical help.

Don’t feel you are dishonouring your passed fur baby if you were to get another, it may help you through your grief; you are not replacing him / her, just allowing your heart to expand to give another pet some love.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I first came across The Ralph Site when I lost my old dog Bracken. She had been such a big part of my life and had recovered from two strokes, although when she began to suffer at the age of 17, I realised the time had come to say goodbye. I was heartbroken.

One of my friends sent me a snippet of a poem they’d seen on The Ralph Site so I immediately searched and found it myself. I have been on the site many times since, for my own losses and following other people’s stories.

I think the most important role of The Ralph Site community is to help other people cope with their grief; be it to just let them pour it out to people who understand what they are going through, to pass on advice or to help them remember the happy times and celebrate in their happiness if they do get a new pet.

At the end of the day, it’s a community of like-minded people who are friends – a wonderful place where no colour or religion matters, just our love of our animals and the comfort we can give each other.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support