Those of us who have shared our lives with a much-loved animal friend carry the experience with us forever. Just as we can find joy in the memories of happy times shared together, the pain of saying goodbye is also indelibly stamped on our hearts, and for many Christmas can be a particularly difficult time.

Sometimes the visceral pain of our grief is almost too much to bear, and so it can be helpful to share your thoughts and feelings with someone who understands. You may have sympathetic friends or family who have lost their own pets, and talking over how you feel with them will provide some small comfort. However, if you feel there is nobody you can share the contents of your heart and mind with, you may find contacting an experienced Pet Bereavement Counsellor helpful. These dedicated professionals can be found across the UK, so you’ll be able to find a non-judgemental and sympathetic ear close by. A list of some Pet Bereavement Counsellors can be found on The Ralph Site.
(Please note that whilst we provide details for your convenience, we are unable to directly endorse or recommend these individual services, and you may also wish to research other alternatives to suit your own preferences and requirements.)

In addition, there is plenty of support and advice to be found in the Counselling Directory, the UK’s largest database of registered professional counsellors. Here you’ll find answers to any questions you may have about how counselling works, and which type of approach might be best for you. You can also search for bereavement counsellors near where you live. Find the Counselling Directory here.

As you may know, the Blue Cross provides an excellent (and free) pet bereavement support service, run by trained volunteers who have been through tough times themselves:

• To chat to someone who understands, simply call 0800 096 6606 free from a landline (please be aware that some mobile networks may charge). The helpline is open every day from 8.30am to 8.30pm.
•  Sometimes, it’s easier to write about how you are feeling rather than talking to someone – so if that’s the case, you can also access the charity’s support via email at pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk.
• Find out more about the service here.

Please don’t ever feel that you should be able to cope on your own; there is no need to suffer in silence. Each of us needs someone to share our thoughts and feelings with sometimes, and without acknowledging and expressing the pain we feel we may simply be storing up future problems. According to Mind, an estimated 1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health issue each year, and bereavement is widely acknowledged to be one of the most traumatic times we go through. Well-meaning friends may tell you that “it’s only a dog” and encourage you to get another one – not everyone understands the deep bond that we form with our pets. You will know when, indeed if, the time is right to bring another animal into your life, and it will never be to replace an old friend, rather to make a new one.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the third of our series of mini interviews with friends of www.theralphsite.com we contacted Julie King, who shares her memories of pets she has known and loved, along with some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion:

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

Yes, we have two rescue cats, Simba and Star.

Simba came to us in desperate need of medical attention and a loving forever home.

Star spent the first eighteen months of her life in a sanctuary and was extremely scared of humans.

She is still something of a work in progress, but she now comes up on the sofa for cuddles and has an incredibly loud purr!

2. What was the name of your first pet?

Pippa.

3. Why did you choose that name?

We re-homed her, and that was already her name – it didn’t seem right to change it as it suited her perfectly!

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose? And why?

All animals in need are welcome at my home, irrespective of their species.

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

It’s hard to choose just one – a couple spring to mind:

Baby Girl was a stray we found in our garden when we first moved in. It took us a while to earn her trust, and when we finally managed to catch her she stole food off my son’s plate and ran off with it; we were all laughing!

And then there’s Tokyo Boo. He absolutely loved belly rubs, but it had to be in the bathroom – he was always most aggrieved if someone was already in there and he couldn’t get in!

6. Which three words would you choose to describe him / her?

For Tokyo Boo they would have to be: soft, gentle, and funny.

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

I would say the Phoenix, as it has magical healing tears for all souls that need healing – what a wonderful characteristic to have.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I would definitely like to be a Whale Shark, such a beautiful and majestic creature.

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

A few important things:

•  To take each minute as it comes.
•  Remember to be kind to yourself.
•  Release guilt as quickly as possible.
• Let your tears fall when they need to, but don’t feel guilty about smiling too.
•  Never be afraid to talk about your beautiful friend when you feel the time is right.
• Also, if you feel you are really struggling, never hesitate to seek professional help from a counsellor or medical health professional.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

After the sudden loss of my Tokyo Boo I came across The Ralph Site online.  Every member truly understands the complete devastation of losing an animal companion.  The Ralph Site is an online family that never judges anyone on the way one grieves.  Everyone is always full of support and kindness and great friends are made on the Facebook forums where everyone is only a post away.  There are very helpful links and contact numbers too.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

At the end of each month we take a look back at the animals that have made headlines in recent weeks, collecting stories from across the UK and around the globe. Sometimes happy, occasionally sad and always enlightening, here are the creatures that are making the news at the moment:

PDSA announces finalists of the 2016 Pet Fit Club

An annual event designed to help owners help their pets stay in shape, this year’s Pet Fit Club’s seven finalists include fat cat Mikey, whose love of crisps, popcorn and cornflakes led to him becoming unhealthy and overweight. There’s also Pebbles, a rotund rabbit, Tyty the Chihuahua, Kaspa the Labrador, Tia the bullmastiff and Entei the cat; each shedding impressive amounts of weight through the year – an incredible total of 4 stone 12 pounds overall! This year’s winner has been crowned as Oscar the spaniel, whose disabled owner struggled to walk him regularly and who was rather partial to a Sunday roast. Since losing weight, he’s regained his youthful vitality and is an inspiration to all podgy pets to shed the pounds!
Each of the finalists this year was classed as obese or morbidly obese, and desperately needed to lose weight to improve their quality of life. Pets carrying 20% or more of their ideal body weight are defined as obese, while pets with over 50% are deemed morbidly obese.

Downing Street dogs in hiding!

It has recently been reported that the Chancellor Philip Hammond has had to take desperate measures to keep his dogs safe from the unwanted attention of Larry, the resident Number 10 cat! The two Hammond family pets, a Welsh terrier called Rex and a dachshund named Oscar, are confined to quarters as feisty feline Larry rules the roost! It is well known that the previous Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne also kept Lola, his Bichon Frise, away from Larry when he moved her into the building in 2013. Which just goes to prove what many of us already know – that unlike in the cartoons, cats are not remotely scared of dogs!

No presidential pets for Trump

Staying with political pets, it looks likely that for the first time in almost two hundred years, when Donald Trump takes office in the spring, the White House will have no four-legged pets in residence. When President Obama was elected to office, he kept a promise to his daughters Sasha and Malia that they could have a dog in the White House, welcoming a Portuguese water dog named Bo to the family, closely followed by a second, called Sunny. President George W Bush had two Scottish terriers, named Barney and Miss Beazley; whilst Bill Clinton had a chocolate Labrador Retriever named Buddy and a cat named Socks. And whilst most presidents opt for one or two canine companions, Ronald Reagan collected a whole menagerie, including Lucky, a Bouvier des Flandres, Rex, a Cavalier King Charles spaniel, Victory, a golden retriever, Peggy, an Irish setter, Taca, a Siberian husky and Fuzzy, a Belgian sheepdog!
As if being President of the United States wasn’t enough to keep him busy!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of www.theralphsite.com we contacted Irene Margaret, who shares her memories of pets she has known and loved, along with some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion:

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

We have quite a menagerie of pets at home – the following furry family members live with us at the moment:

•  Salem (a black cat, hence the rather appropriate name)
•  His twin sister Rosie, a Tortoiseshell, both aged one year
•  Ivy, a year-old Gerbil
•  Macey, Lionpig, Cushion and Bonnie, four sweet guinea pigs
• Groucho Marx, our ten-year old Cockatiel!

2. What was the name of your first pet?

The first animal to find its way into my heart was Socks, a little black and white cat.

3. Why did you choose that name?

As I’m sure you can guess, it was because of those four pretty white paws.

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose? And why?

Both! Along with rodents! I can’t possibly choose  – I adore ALL animals.

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

It would probably be the way my guinea pig Charlie would look into my eyes whenever I was sad – it really felt as though he knew. But to be honest, I have SO many precious memories; it is very hard to choose.

6. Which three words would you choose to describe Charlie?

Loving, cuddly and loyal describe him perfectly!

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

I think I would have to say the lion in the Wizard of Oz; he is such a caring animal.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I would definitely like to be a pampered domestic cat, enjoying a wonderful life of love with no responsibilities. Nothing to do other than being cute, and returning my human mummy’s affection!

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

It’s important that you take as long as you need to grieve – grief is a journey, and unfortunately it’s a painful one. Share your feelings with like-minded people, and keep your beloved pet’s memory alive, in whatever way is easiest for you.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I have been aware of The Ralph Site for several years now – its most valuable service is in offering a private, safe space for like-minded pet-loving people, who truly understand, and do not judge each other. Here we can share our grief, our memories and our joys with friends who know exactly what it feels like to lose a much-loved pet.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

Friends of The Ralph Site will not be surprised to find that one of the most popular sections of our website is our Memorials page. Hundreds of bereaved carers have already uploaded photos and memories of their special friends – placing a permanent visual record of their pet online serves a number of positive purposes:

•  Providing a lasting reminder of the unique character of a beloved companion
•  Drawing empathy, thoughts and prayers from other pet carers
•  Helping to provide a sense of closure and acknowledgement

Some people find that it helps to share stories of the unique personalities of their own much-loved pets, whilst others take some small comfort from reading about pets who have crossed the Rainbow Bridge. When the time comes, if you want to share your own feelings on The Ralph Site, it’s very easy to add a memorial. You can find more details here.

Every day we share one or more memorials on our Facebook page  marking the anniversary of animal companions that have passed away within the previous three years. Our many Facebook friends tell us that they greatly value this welcoming and understanding space, where pet carers can share their feelings and offer advice to anyone feeling angry, sad or frustrated in their loss. Others often add poignant and sensitive posts and comments, which help anyone grieving to understand that they are not alone.

Ultimately that is what we are most proud of at The Ralph Site – the shared sense of community created by people from all walks of life, united by a common thread. We have each experienced the pain of losing a much-loved friend and we aim to support anyone going through, or preparing for, the loss of a pet through our work. If you have visited The Ralph Site recently, you may have noticed that we offer friends the opportunity to commission ‘Original pet portraits’. These lovely pastel artworks are done by Mel Saalfeld, a veterinary colleague of our founder who has very kindly offered to donate her commission fees to The Ralph Site. As a not-for-profit organisation, we are always very grateful for any support that helps us continue our pet loss work.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support