In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Valerie Allcock, who shared some of her animal companions and has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

I have an eleven-year-old cat named Bonnie and a dog named Tenor, who is two.
I rescued Bonnie from Limassol in Cyprus in 2008 after finding him lying on a beach walkway with a broken leg, desperately ill. With the help of a friend I got him to a vet and after five days he was taken to a rescue centre in Paphos, where I agreed to sponsor him whilst he got well, before bringing him to England. He arrived at Manchester Airport via ‘Pets on Jets’ in January 2009 and I have never once regretted saving his life that day.

Tenor arrived in England from Romania in September 2016.  I had followed his life story via Facebook since he was a tiny puppy, found abandoned outside the gates of a rescue centre in September 2014 (shortly after I had lost my beautiful German Shepherd dog Tara to the devastating effects of epilepsy).

I felt a strange bond with this young Collie-type dog, and after two long sad years of tears and depression, my husband finally agreed we could adopt him. He has already brought us both such happiness in the five months we have had him.
I rescued him, but in truth he has rescued me.

Tara was our sixth German Shepherd rescue in many years – her predecessors Sultan, Dinah, Oscar, Rudi and Casper were all beautiful, faithful dogs who each lived long happy lives.  After losing Tara we decided she would be our last. So Tenor is with us now, happily settled into our lives and our home.  I firmly believe he was destined to be here.

2. What was the name of your first pet?

My first pet was named Bess.  She was a fluffy white Terrier.

3. Why did you choose that name?

I was only a child at the time, and I had an Enid Blyton book about a dog called Bess.

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose? And why?

I love all animals, but I would have to say dogs – they offer unconditional love in return for very little: to love and be loved, to be safe, have a full tummy and just to share your everyday life.  I have been so lucky to have shared my life with so many wonderful characters.

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

That is courtesy of my German Shepherd Rudi, who I remember playing with my two granddaughters in a paddling pool in our back garden.  They were three and five years old, and now both are in their teens they still talk about those happy times.

6. Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Adorable, loving and faithful.

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Rupert the Bear.  As a child, my father would read me a story about Rupert every night. Those times were very precious.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I would be a dolphin – I am a Pisces and love the sea!

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

I would say that grieving over a treasured pet is perfectly normal and would offer my support for as long as needed.  Some people feel guilt or fear that they are ‘being childish’ but the loss of a pet is immense – they share our lives for many years and in so many ways.  I would advise never to be afraid to seek help from your own doctor if your grief is making you ill; this is something I had to do myself and I was so grateful for the help and compassion he gave me.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

After losing Tara, a friend recommended The Ralph Site to me. Its most important role is to bring so many grieving people together, to offer compassion and comfort at a time of deep sadness.  We all understand because we too have been in the same dark place: we share, we support and most importantly, we listen and care.  My favourite saying for The Ralph Site is that ‘Strangers become Friends’ and this has certainly been very true for me.  Without the support of so many, who have indeed become wonderful friends, I doubt my life would be anywhere near as happy as it is now.
We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

One question we’re often asked is, “when is the right time to look for another pet?”

Of course the honest answer is that there isn’t one simple response – some people are so distraught by their previous bereavement and accompanying grief that they never want to have to go through the process of losing a friend again. Others may feel that they still have so much love to give, and by welcoming a new pet into their lives they are able to honour the memory of a much-missed friend. And sometimes, as is so often the case in life, fate steps in and circumstances take over before you’ve had chance to rationalise or consider – sometimes you just know (or you just can’t say no!)

What we can say with certainty is that grief and loss are incredibly powerful, personal experiences that cannot be defined or explained. None of us will ever know how we will cope with loss, and indeed the level of ‘coping’ will vary hugely from day to day. That’s why the best advice is usually to wait a while before deciding on a new pet; and only you can decide how long this time needs to be.

Some practical factors to consider might include:

•  What else is going on in your life? If you are about to undergo a period of change or stress, such as moving home, switching jobs, taking a holiday or undergoing an operation, it would be sensible to delay bringing home a new pet until such a time as you are able to commit the required time and resources to helping him or her settle in.
•  Your general sense of positivity. Whilst none of us ever forget the much-loved friends we have lost, for most people a time does come when we are able to think about the predominantly happy memories of our time with them, rather than dwelling on the more recent time without them. Once you have reached this point, you may feel that it is appropriate for you to move forward with a new friend, a new relationship.
•  Fostering or looking after pets for friends and family. It can be difficult to know for sure if you are ready to take on a new pet, and so fostering for a local rescue centre can be a great way to enjoy some time with a new friend, without the full commitment. Similarly, offering holiday care for a dog or cat known to you is another good way to test out how you are going to feel about having another animal in your life.

Often we may feel guilty if we bring home another companion – it can seem as though we are trying to replace a friend, attempting to fill a very specific pet-shaped hole with another pet. Of course this is not the case – those of us who care for animals are drawn to the individual personalities and traits of each. We don’t simply ‘get a new pet’; we choose to share our love and our lives with a unique character. Nor do we just ‘get a dog’, we welcome George, or Spot, or Snowy into our home and our heart.

So whilst we can’t tell you when is the right time to bring home a new friend, we can tell you that you shouldn’t ever feel guilty about doing it. You will know when the time is right, and it won’t matter what anyone else says. Sharing your life with a furry friend is both a privilege and a joy, and denying yourself the opportunity to love and be loved again would be such a shame – especially when there are so many animals looking for a lap to sit on, and adventures to share.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we received some very insightful feedback from our feline friend Ror Paradise, who shares a different perspective and enlightens us with some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

“The following words have been submitted on behalf of Ror by his human skivvy.”

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

I have discussed this question with my fellow ‘overlords’, and I have to say that opinion is divided; we all agree that ‘pets’ is not quite the right word; underlings, skivvies, can-openers or gofers seem to be more appropriate…

2. What was the name of your first pet?

I can’t really remember my first ‘pets’ – they were not the attentive and caring companions I had hoped for. The best word I can find for them in the circumstances is ‘neglectful’.

3. Why did you choose that name?

It seems fair, considering they left me straying in the snow when I went seeking lady cats…

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose? And why?

Well duh!  Cats, of course! Specifically this cat, ME!

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

Being rescued from the snow and brought ‘home’ by my underlings with their cosy beds, cuddles and fireplace.

6. Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Pushover snuggle-buddy.

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Fiction is not really our thing, but we have loved following the exploits of our real life hero ‘my sad cat’.  Run free dear The Bear (he passed just recently). And much love to his underling too x

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

Well me, of course!  Why be anyone else when you are already perfect?

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

Dear underlings, please be gentle with yourselves in your grief.  Please bring comfort to yourself and a new friend as soon as you feel able – rescue a soul in need if you possibly can.  Nobody can ‘replace’ your departed friend, but your care is needed by so many others who have become ‘lost’.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I was introduced to The Ralph Site by a friend of a friend many moons ago. Kinship is the most important role this wonderful community fulfils.  Many ‘real world’ friends do not understand the bond between species, but members of this lovely group offer non-judgemental and authentic support to others in their grief; and many real friendships are created between like-minded souls who meet this way.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

Friends of The Ralph Site know all too well the huge impact that pets have on our lives – the many positive memories and emotions they create, as well as the deep sense of loss felt when they have left us. We have each experienced the love and joy that enter our lives along with our pets, but did you know that there are other more tangible benefits gifted to us by these amazing furred, feathered and scaled companions?

Being around animals makes us feel better

Medical professionals have long known that interacting with animals has health benefits – William Tuke, an 18th century Quaker philanthropist, noticed that his asylum patients’ mental health benefitted from being around animals and so he ensured that copious numbers of rabbits and birds lived amongst the patients to encourage inmates to develop ‘benevolent feelings’, greater responsibility and self-control. Similarly, Florence Nightingale, in her ‘Notes on Nursing’ also saw how patients confined to bed gained a simple, but meaningful, pleasure from the presence of a bird in their room.

There is now a considerable body of research demonstrating a link between living with pets and improved health; whether it be living longer after a heart attack (Friedmann et al, 1980), reduced frequency of minor ailments (Serpell, 1991) or lower blood pressure in stressful situations (Allen et al, 2002).

Somebody to lean on

Aside from the real physical benefits that come from living with a pet, many studies have also shown a clear link with significantly lower levels of loneliness and feelings of isolation in people who share their home only with a pet (Headey, 1998). Psychologists have postulated that our pets’ greeting rituals, naturally affectionate dispositions, loyalty and ability to love unconditionally may all evoke feelings of self-worth and self-esteem in their human carers.

Companion animals create strong bonds

Research published in 2014 by scientists at the Claremont Graduate University in California found that domesticated animals release oxytocin when they are in close contact with their humans – the same hormone that creates close bonds between people. The study also showed that humans experience a surge in oxytocin (the ‘cuddle hormone’) when spending time with their dog or cat, and proved what we all know – that not everyone is a pet person!
In the study, 100 participants played with a dog or cat for 15 minutes, after which their levels of oxytocin were measured and compared with data taken before the start of the experiment. Only 30% saw increased levels of oxytocin after interacting with the animals, with those who had lived with dogs in the past being more likely to feel a bond while playing with the animals than those who had lived with cats, or those who had never lived with pets at all.

Given the strength of this connection between human and animal, it’s easy to see how the regular visits of therapy animals make a real difference to both the mental and physical health of those in hospital, schools or residential care homes. The wonderful organisation Pets as Therapy is a national charity, founded in 1983 and working with a network of volunteers across the UK to bring companion animals into the lives of thousands of adults and children every year. Their therapeutic visits offer support in three key areas:

•  Providing companionship and friendship to help to tackle loneliness
•  Improving the lives of people suffering from debilitating mental and physical health conditions and illnesses such as Autism, Dementia and Stroke as part of a holistic approach to treatment
•  Improving literacy in children by developing their confidence, interest and enjoyment in reading, through the charity’s read2dogs scheme.
  You can read more about Pets as Therapy’s important work, as well as finding out how to offer the services of yourself and your dog (or cat!) here.

Another similar, newer and more local service working with the elderly is TheraPaws offered by The Mayhew Animal Home in London.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the last week of every month we take a look back at the crazy creatures and amazing animals that have made the headlines in recent weeks. Here’s a reminder of what January’s headlines told us about some of the animals that share our planet:

New president immortalised in insect form

Newly inaugurated US president Donald Trump now has a moth named after him. The new species was discovered in a study of a collection held by the Museum of Entomology at the University of California. Classified as ‘Neopalpa donaldtrumpi’, scientists felt that the bright blonde scales on the moth’s head bore more than a passing resemblance to the unique comb-over hairstyle of the new president. Outgoing president Barack Obama was also honoured, with marine biologists recognising his conservation work in the Pacific by naming a species of maroon and gold fish ‘Tosanoides Obama’.

Hollywood filmmakers accused of animal cruelty

Unsettling images have recently surfaced from the Winnipeg location shoot for the film ‘A Dog’s Purpose’ starring Dennis Quaid and billed as “a celebration of the special connection between humans and their dogs.”

The leaked footage shows Hercules, a German Shepherd, struggling to stay out of a pool of churning water as a handler pushes him in so the film crew can get their shot. Both the film’s director and the actor who voices Hercules have expressed their shock at the apparent lapse in standards of animal care. Meanwhile, animal welfare organisations have expressed outrage and called for a boycott of the film. American Humane, the organisation that oversees animal safety during filming, is currently investigating the incident and has suspended its on-set representative pending the outcome of the inquiry.

Happy Year of the Rooster!

This year, Chinese New Year begins on Saturday January 28 and lasts until February 15th, 2018. Following the twelve-yearly cycle of the ancient calendar, 2017 is the Year of the Rooster. As you may know, in Chinese astrology each zodiac year is associated not only with an animal sign, but also one of five elements: Gold (Metal), Wood, Water, Fire, or Earth.

According to ancient belief, it is the combination of the zodiac sign and the element that shapes the astrology of the year – 2017 is a Fire Rooster year, and those born in one are said to be characterised by their trustworthy nature, and have a strong sense of timekeeping and responsibility at work!

A number of famous people born in 1957, the last year of the fire Rooster, will be 60 this year: Dawn French, Donny Osmond, Martin Luther King III, Stephen Fry, Hans Zimmer, Dolph Lundgren, and Jools Holland.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support