In the latest of our series of mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Julia Aldred, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

I currently live with nine cats, one dog, two rabbits (who live outside) and eight fish!

2. What was the name of your first pet?

I grew up with a house full of pets, although the first one who was truly mine was a Siamese kitten named Sharni.

3. Why did you choose that name?

My mum had had a Siamese cat when she first got married, called Shanei. I liked the name but didn’t want to copy, so I changed it slightly.

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose?! And why?!

I love all animals – when I was young I was besotted with horses and I got my first one when I was 14. Having said that, cats have always been a huge part of my life. A vet I once worked for was fascinated by the affinity I seemed to have with cats and told me I should take time to study for a career in Cat Behaviour. Unfortunately as a young mother, I couldn’t afford not to be earning a wage, so I never got the opportunity to pursue this. I do seem to bond with cats quite easily, and my friends laugh and call me The Cat Whisperer. I’m sure I’d have been burnt at the stake as a witch if I’d been born in medieval times!

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

Oh this is hard! My lovely old horses, my faithful old dogs, or one of my many cats? All have given me so many happy memories.

I will go with my horse, Zingo – a Welsh Cob I was bought aged 14 for doing well in my exams. I had to get myself a part-time Saturday job in the local newsagents to help pay for his keep, as that was part of the deal, along with babysitting for our next-door neighbour.

He was such a naughty horse when I got him, always putting his head down for grass and because he was so strong I couldn’t pull it up again! When I got off to shorten the reins, he’d turn round and bite my behind as I was trying to remount! Gradually I learned how to work with him, and we were together for 28 years.

In those years we had many funny escapades. He could never pass the petrol station without me having to call into the shop and buy him a packet of Polo mints. He insisted on saying ‘please’ by lifting his front leg, and pawing the air if he spotted anyone eating crisps or Polos. He could break into any pocket on a coat if he smelled mints – he was obsessed! But he was the sweetest natured creature – he taught both my children not to fear horses, and he was the favourite mount of the Riding for the Disabled classes we used to do for a local school.

He was just over 31 when I finally had to say goodbye and send him over Rainbow Bridge, as he had gone off his legs.

6. Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Loyal, loving and unforgettable x

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Probably a Unicorn, because they are the spirit of love and peace.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I’d be a cat – they are such elegant, aloof creatures, but so loving if they choose. Cats are both independent and needy, so to be loved by your cat and not just used as a meal ticket, is truly fulfilling.

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

Take as long as you need to grieve, and don’t listen to anyone who thinks there is something wrong with you because you’re crying for ‘just an animal’! Our companions are not ‘just’ animals; they are part of the family. Talk to people who also have pets who will understand your grief. If things are really getting too bad, then don’t be afraid to seek medical help.

Don’t feel you are dishonouring your passed fur baby if you were to get another, it may help you through your grief; you are not replacing him / her, just allowing your heart to expand to give another pet some love.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I first came across The Ralph Site when I lost my old dog Bracken. She had been such a big part of my life and had recovered from two strokes, although when she began to suffer at the age of 17, I realised the time had come to say goodbye. I was heartbroken.

One of my friends sent me a snippet of a poem they’d seen on The Ralph Site so I immediately searched and found it myself. I have been on the site many times since, for my own losses and following other people’s stories.

I think the most important role of The Ralph Site community is to help other people cope with their grief; be it to just let them pour it out to people who understand what they are going through, to pass on advice or to help them remember the happy times and celebrate in their happiness if they do get a new pet.

At the end of the day, it’s a community of like-minded people who are friends – a wonderful place where no colour or religion matters, just our love of our animals and the comfort we can give each other.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

Losing a friend is a devastating experience to go through, even without the additional burden of having to make practical decisions at a time when you are not functioning normally. Choosing whether to bury or cremate your faithful friend is one of the biggest decisions you will be asked to make at this difficult time, and it is always best to think about the options in advance if at all possible. In this way you can avoid the risk of future regrets, resulting from decisions necessarily taken in haste whilst in a fragile emotional state.

There are two main options, burial and cremation – let’s take a look at some practical considerations concerning both.

Burial

• UK Law allows pets to be buried either at your own property or at a licensed pet cemetery
•  It’s wise to ensure that there is at least a metre of soil above the grave, in order to prevent wild animals disturbing your pet’s final resting place
•  Burying your pet at home brings some comfort in that your pet is close by, in a garden that he or she loved. However, if you subsequently move house it can be distressing to leave your pet behind. If you have young children they might find this particularly upsetting.
•  Planting a tree gives a permanent memory of your pet, but again this can be difficult to leave behind if you ever move. Perhaps you might like to consider dedicating a potted shrub to your pet’s memory – this can be taken with you when you move
• If you choose a pet cemetery as your pet’s final resting place, we recommend that you think about:
  o Arrangements for marking the grave – are you able to choose and place your own marker?
  o Opening times – will you be able to visit your pet easily (especially important if you have to travel far)
  o Annual maintenance fees – what is the ongoing charge for upkeep of the plot, and what would happen to your pet’s grave if the business ceased to operate?
•  Details of pet burial grounds near you can be found quickly and easily by searching online, and we have also compiled a list of pet cemeteries and crematoria on the main website.

Cremation

• Consider whether you would like an individual cremation for your pet, or perhaps a shared cremation could be an option. Not everyone wants to have their pet’s ashes returned, and in this case a shared cremation can be a practical consideration.
• If it is important to you that your pet receives an individual cremation (so that you can be certain that the ashes returned to you are those of your beloved animal) then we recommend you ensure that the crematorium you choose is a member of the Association of Private Pet Cemeteries & Crematoria , where this is standard practice.
• Talk to the crematorium staff about your wishes – it may be possible to view the process, if you would like to do so
• A wide choice of dedicated urns and caskets are available, or you may wish to provide your own container for your pet’s ashes – your chosen crematorium can advise you on the specific requirements.

Of course, this is an upsetting subject and so you might also find it useful to speak with family and friends about their experiences and choices – they will undoubtedly have a wealth of advice they would be only too happy to share. And likewise do of course speak to your veterinary practice about this.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

Please note: The Ralph Site is not affiliated with the third-party organisations in any of the links shared here, and the views, ideas and suggestions expressed in this and other blogs are simply shared with the intention of helping you, our friends, take care of the special animals in your lives.

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Rosemary O’Connor, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

At the moment I have a two-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback called Zuri and two cats. For fifteen years we had a Siamese called Thai and we kept two of her kittens – sadly only one is alive now, Pudding, he’s half Siamese and is fourteen years old.

2. What was the name of your first pet?

The first animal in my life was another Rhodesian Ridgeback called Merrie. I was born in East Africa and back in those days they were used as guard dogs and for hunting lions.

3. Why did you choose that name?

I don’t know actually – my parents named her. The reason I chose Zuri’s name though was because of her heritage – her full name is MbwaZuri, which is Swahili for ‘pretty dog’. I thought she was such a pretty pup!

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose?! And why?!

Growing up my family has always had both a cat and a dog, but I have to say dogs are my favourite. They’re so faithful and your world is theirs, whereas cats are more independent.

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

There are so many to choose from, but remembering Poppy’s travel habits makes me smile. She used to love sitting on my lap in the car (with her own seatbelt on), watching everything going by – she especially liked to lean out of the window, which brought plenty of smiles from everyone who saw her!

6. Which three words would you choose to describe her?

Funny, characterful and cuddly.

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

It has to be Scooby Doo – all my Ridgebacks have reminded me of him, hiding behind my back! Although when it’s something really serious, they act like proper Ridgies.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I’d probably choose to be a dog. They get taken for a nice walk twice a day, meals are served up to them and cosy beds are available to sleep in most of the day – what a lovely life!

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

I would say to take as long as you need to grieve; no two people are the same. Talk about your loved one often and don’t be afraid to cry – bottling up your feelings ultimately does no good.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I can’t remember how I first came across the site, but I know that it was shortly after my Poppy had died. I was in a very bad place, but thanks to the wonderful people in the Facebook group I was able to talk about how I was feeling. All I got back was love and support. I sometimes think Poppy led me to The Ralph Site, and now that I’m much better I want to help others in the same situation.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the last week of every month we take a look back at the crazy creatures and amazing animals that have made the headlines in recent weeks. Here’s a reminder of what April’s headlines told us about some of the animals that share our planet:

Pets take charge?

April’s Fools Day unleashes a host of creative stories and liberty taking every year, and 2017 was no exception – all the major news outlets and social media sites carried stories of strange and amazing happenings that on closer examination turned out not to be true. One of our favourite pranks was from Amazon, who tweeted a series of videos highlighting their new product ‘Petlexa’ – voice recognition software allowing pets to communicate with the company’s home management hub. Much as we’d love to live in a world where cats can order a sushi delivery, it was not to be. Not this year at least!….

Calls to keep records of animal abusers

The RSPCA has repeated its call for a log to be kept of those convicted of cruelty towards, and disqualified from keeping animals in the UK. Their appeal is supported by MP Stephen Kinnock, who believes that a register of convicted animal abusers could ultimately help prevent offenders going on to commit violent crimes against people.
The charity reports that eleven people were prosecuted for breaching a ban in the last three years alone, and they believe the actual figure could be higher. Currently the government is reluctant to introduce such a process, as there are fears that a public register could encourage vigilante behaviour against perpetrators.

Living the high life

Cameras were allowed behind the scenes this month at New York’s JFK airport, which offers an exclusive support service for pets and horses travelling through the busy hub. ‘The Ark’ is the only such place of its kind in the US, providing a quiet space where animals can wait for connecting flights or for collection by their owners, away from the loud noises and cramped cages of the usual cargo holds. Opera music is played to relax horses staying in the facility, as studies have shown that classical music has a calming quality for animals, just as it does for us humans. Food and medications can be personalised to the waiting animals, whilst grooming facilities and regular walks ensure that each four-legged customer arrives at their final destination in great shape!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site  we heard from Elaine Bottom, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

At the moment I have two very young cats named Mylo and Rosie.

2. What was the name of your first pet?

The first animal in my life was our family cat, Skippy; we had him when I was young.

3. Why did you choose that name?

I don’t know actually – my parents named him – but as I remember he didn’t stay still for long, so that may have had something to do with it!

4. Cats, dogs or another species? Can you choose?! And why?!

Difficult one, but I’m going to have to go for cats as I’ve always been brought up around them -they have a special place in my heart.

5. What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

Toby was a beautiful big white cat who loved plenty of attention – he would sleep at the bottom of our bed and keep us awake with his really loud purring!

6. Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Loving, affectionate and cuddly

7. What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

As a child I used to love watching The Littlest Hobo on TV, wondering what adventures he’d go on next.

8. If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I would definitely be a cat – I could sleep all day long!

9. What advice would you give to someone grieving for a much-loved pet?

Unfortunately I have lost several cats over these past few years, probably the worst was losing my two beautiful kittens last year in a road traffic accident. It is always extremely hard for anyone to grieve and go through the process of losing a pet, but what I would say is to take each day as it comes. Cry, laugh, scream – do whatever you feel you need to do; and always treasure the special moments you had with them.
Never feel guilty (as I did, for months after losing Simba and Belle). I miss them terribly and always will, but I know that I gave them the best possible life that I could, and that they had a loving home. It does become easier as time goes on.

10. When and how did you first come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I first discovered this amazing community back in 2010 when I lost my cat Chloe – a friend of mine told me about it. However, it’s only in the last year that I have met some truly wonderful people – through losing Simba and Belle they have become my ‘cyber friends’. The Ralph Site is like one big family – we all care about one another. Without Shailen’s hard work and dedication, I don’t honestly know where I would have turned to for support.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support