It’s been 2 days since I lost my dog. He …

Comment on Dealing with flashbacks after the death of your pet by Tart&Sky.

It’s been 2 days since I lost my dog. He was 11 yrs old, died due to old age with untreatable organ complications. Seeing him all bloated, legs and lips swelled, could barely walk, stand, and could only eat lying down hurts so much that the places he used to sleep and walk in brings me agony.
Yesterday when I woke up I even thought it was him barking outside, coz he used to do that, trying to go out the gate. When I saw his bowl, I cried again. It’s difficult to stop thinking those painful moments and I don’t think I’m good with fully accepting his death. I can say this because 5 years ago, we also lost our 6month old pup, she died of parvo and the vet couldn’t do anything about it. She suffered for 3days pooping blood (a lot of it), wouldn’t eat nor drink so we had to syringe fed her. That time was also very tough as I was the only one capable of caring for her (highschooler) as my mother was out of town due to work and my siblings were very young (in elementary) that time. It was really really really hard when you really don’t know what to do. I cared, cleaned, fed, and monitored for her until past midnight, then wake up early to check on her again before going to school, then worrying sick as she’d be left home alone, suffering. Then on the 3rd day before I went to school, I noticed her drinking a lot and ate her food voluntarily, so I thought she was beginning to be okay, but then later that afternoon in December, as I was ready to go home, excited, I received a call from my younger sister, and there I knew, she died. Since then, everytime I remember her, especially those bloody days she suffered, I cry my heart out, even to this day, and as I’m typing this. Is it maybe because I was young back then? or because it was the very first time I witnessed a dog suffering from parvo and that I have no adult to help me care for her so I could only do so little?
Now, the pain has doubled as I’ve lost another. All I remember is their pain and suffering, for me it’s hard to think of those happy memories anymore. Does this mean I am unable to move on? Am I really traumatized? Is there anything wrong with me mentally? or emotionally?
I’ve tried to assess myself and sadly I haven’t done most of what the site have mentioned, except now I started to share what I’ve been through with my pets deaths here, to not suffer in silence. That is why I’m sorry for this long post.