In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Sue Illman, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

Yes, I share my home with two cats, Molly and Toby. Molly is ten and is a very quiet cat – she loves to spend her day sleeping on my bed.

Toby is just a kitten and he’s a dear little boy! He really wants to play with Molly but she isn’t impressed – she would much rather sleep!

2.What was the name of your first pet?

She was a lovely cat called Tinker.

3.Why did you choose the name?

Because she looked like a cheeky puss! It turned out that her name really suited her!

4.Cats, dogs, or another species? Can you choose?! And why?

It would be cats every time for me; they have always been a big part of my life. Even as a child I can never remember a time when we didn’t have a cat or two sharing our home.

5.What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

Every memory I have of my beloved Louis is a favourite memory for me. I lost Louis in February of this year and a part of me died with him. I know that I will miss that little boy forever.

6.Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Wonderful, cheeky, missed.

7.What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

It would be Dumbo, the adorable elephant from the Disney film – those big cute ears get me every time!

8.If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

You won’t be surprised to read that I would choose to be a cat – how nice to simply lay there whilst humans pander to my every need.

9.What advice would you give to someone who is grieving for a much-loved pet?

I would say in all honesty that time really is a healer. You will never forget your precious friends of course, but it does get easier. And you must never feel guilty about opening your heart to another pet, when the time is right for you.

10.When and how did you come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I found The Ralph Site while searching online for a bereavement support group after Louis died. Losing my baby was hurting so much that I felt I needed to look for people who would understand just what I was going through. Somewhere I could get the support I needed to get through the rough days, so that hopefully I could then go on to support others when it got easier for me.

Understanding and supporting each other is the most important thing about The Ralph Site for me – only those who have lost much-loved friends can really understand how hard it is. For this reason alone I am so thankful I found The Ralph Site support group.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the last week of every month we take a look back at the crazy creatures and amazing animals that have made the headlines in recent weeks. Here’s a reminder of what August’s headlines told us about some of the animals that share our planet:

National Dog Day!

Those of you with canine companions probably already know that August 26th marked National Dog Day across the UK and around the world (#nationaldogday on Twitter). Whilst the annual event celebrates dogs of all shapes, sizes, ages and breeds and encourages rehoming, this year’s National Dog Day took on an extra poignancy in the southern states of the USA. With Hurricane Harvey causing devastating flooding to swathes of Texas and Louisiana, animal charities were encouraging donations of money and supplies to local shelters as volunteers rescued frightened animals from the rising waters. Our thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by the flooding.

Fingers crossed for a pregnant panda

Edinburgh Zoo has recently announced that its resident female Giant Panda Tian Tian is pregnant; with her due date expected to be around the time of this post (so we may have more news as you read this!) Along with her partner Yang Guang, the pair are the only Giant Pandas currently living in the UK, loaned from China for a ten-year period ending in 2021. Attempts at mating naturally sadly failed, and so Tian Tian received a little help in the form of IVF intervention. With population numbers in crisis (research suggests that there are fewer than 2,000 Giant Pandas left worldwide), the global breeding programme is of great importance and so everyone at the zoo is hoping to hear the patter of tiny claws very soon!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site we heard from Ruth Greenhalgh, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

We have lots of pets at the moment – four dogs and seven cats! There’s a ten year old Dalmatian called Darcy (Mr Darcy), a nine year old Irish Setter, Kasper, an English Setter, Leia, who is three, and a little dog we found on the street who is about a year old and is called Brian. We thought he was a mongrel, but apparently he is a Kokoni, which is a recognised breed here in Cyprus where we live. Our cats are all moggies. We have two (Pixie and Jossie) that are now eighteen, a six year old (Trinity) and three that are not quite two (Betty, Al and Dave). Until very recently we also had Smudge (RIP little one). For me, a house is not a home without pets!

2.What was the name of your first pet?

We always had pets growing up, so the very first one I remember was an old black Lab called Jenny. She was more the family pet than mine exclusively – the first animal that I loved exclusively was a guinea pig called Snowy.

3.Why did you choose the name?

Because she was completely white – I know it sounds boring and predictable, but in my defence I was only eight!

4.Cats, dogs, or another species? Can you choose?! And why?

I really couldn’t choose! Over the years we have had everyone including budgies, hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, dogs and cats. At present we have dogs and cats because they fit with our lifestyle, but we would take in anyone that needed a home if there was no other option for them! I think my love of animals comes from my father – he was a collection officer and clinic manager for the RSPCA for many years, and if there were solitary animals in the clinic he would often bring them home rather than leave them “feeling lonely” there. As a result, my sister and I were very used to having many and varied animals around the house, and that has carried on into adulthood.

5.What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

I have so, so many memories, having had so many pets over the years! But one that really sticks in my mind is of a lovely cat I had in my late teenage years and early 20s. We had a party one night and there was a bowl of Wotsits on the table. Busy chatting to a friend, I suddenly saw a white paw on the end of a black leg emerge from under the tablecloth and swipe a solitary Wotsit. Three minutes later it happened again, then again and again. I’m sure the cat had more of them than any of the human guests!

6.Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Spirited, cheeky, affectionate.

7.What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Nana, the Newfoundland in Peter Pan – she just exemplifies how devoted dogs can be!

8.If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I think I would probably be an eagle – not only are they stunning and elegant, but the way they swoop and glide is wonderful. I would love to be able to soar like that, free and able to see for miles.

9.What advice would you give to someone who is grieving for a much-loved pet?

I think the first, perhaps most important, point is that it is normal and perfectly acceptable to feel intense grief at the loss of a pet. Losing a dearly-loved member of the family, a companion, a friend, of course makes it natural that you will grieve. Also, remember that there is no right or wrong grief – it hits each of us differently, affects us differently and lasts a different length of time. So take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself, allow the grief and the tears to flow and, little by little, you will start to feel better. Do not be ashamed to seek help and support from appropriately qualified people if you need it. We all need support at times, and there is absolutely no shame in seeking it.

10.When and how did you come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

It was about two years ago. A friend had recently lost a much-loved dog and I was trying to help her through her grief. I did an online search for appropriate resources and the site popped up. I thought it would be ideal for her but also knew that I could get an immense amount from it myself too.
I think the most important role The Ralph Site plays is allowing people to share experiences and realise that what they are feeling is normal and natural and that things can improve. Too many people do not understand the loss of a pet, and it can lead to those of us who are grieving to label ourselves as weak, silly or stupid. It is tremendously helpful, even empowering, to have a community of people available who understand your grief and can support and help you through the more difficult times.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

Many of us who have lost a pet are comforted by the sentiment behind Rainbow Bridge, the peaceful place ‘this side of Heaven’ where pets wait to be reunited with their human friends. It is not known to whom this reassuring concept can first be attributed; we only know that throughout the 80s and 90s the idea of a Rainbow Bridge was widely shared across the world, bringing comfort to many experiencing the loss of a faithful companion.

Academic scholars have noted a similarity to a central feature of 13th century Norse mythology, Bilfröst; a burning rainbow bridge that spans across the void between our world (Midgard) and Asgard, the realm of the gods. It has also been pointed out that the concept of a paradise where pets wait to be reunited with their humans was first seen in published literature in 1902, in the book ‘Beautiful Joe’s Paradise’ by the American author Margaret Marshall Saunders. In her story, whilst waiting for their humans in this paradise, animals help each other and recover from any mistreatment they may have experienced on earth, before passing into Heaven in a hot air balloon.

Of course, the uncertainty over the origins of the Rainbow Bridge pales into insignificance compared with the comfort the thought of it brings. Knowing that a much-loved pet is in a better place, patiently waiting to be reunited with his or her carer, has certainly helped many friends of The Ralph Site to fill a little of the void left behind after a pet’s passing.

You might also like to know that we have collected together a selection of writings and poetry related to the loss of our dear animal friends, and this virtual booklet is available free of charge to our community members. All you have to do to receive your free copy is click on this link and enter your name and email address. We hope that the beautiful words of others who have experienced the same feelings of loss, sadness, anger and acceptance bring you some comfort, and we promise that we won’t pass your details on to anyone else.

And we leave you with a tender example of one such poem, beautifully describing the huge sense of loss that accompanies the passing of a pet, sadly the author is unknown:

Tribute to a Best Friend
Sunlight streams through the windowpane onto a spot on the floor.
Then I remember,
It’s where you used to lie, but now you are no more.
Our feet walk down a hall of carpet, and muted echoes sound.
Then I remember,
It’s where your paws would joyously abound.
A voice is heard along the road, and up beyond the hill.
Then I remember,
It can’t be yours, your golden voice is still.
But I’ll take that vacant spot of floor and empty muted hall,
And lay them with the absent voice and unused dish along the wall.
I’ll wrap these treasured memories in a blanket of my love,
And keep them for my best friend until we meet above.

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support

Please note: The Ralph Site is not affiliated with the third-party organisations in any of the links shared here, and the views, ideas and suggestions expressed in this and other blogs are simply shared with the intention of helping you, our friends, take care of the special animals in your lives.

In the latest of our series of mini interviews with friends of The Ralph Site  we heard from Tricia Johnson, who has given us some wise words of advice for anyone experiencing the loss of a much-loved companion.

1. Do you currently share your home with any pets? If so, please tell us about them.

I currently have two much-loved dogs, both rescues – Chico (who is eleven years old) and Maggie, who is now three. Chico wandered into a neighbour’s property in Spain as a small puppy, and when they asked me to look after him while they visited family in the UK in 2006, I’m afraid I fell in love with him and ‘stole’ him from them! I returned from Spain in 2011 and Chico was one of five dogs I brought back with me.

Maggie came into my life after the sudden and unexpected loss of another of my Spanish rescues Sussie, and stole my broken heart just from seeing her in a video. She had been dumped on waste ground in Cyprus as a puppy, and was in imminent danger of being either poisoned by local café owners or killed by a large feral pack of dogs who would not accept her.

I also have a rescue cat, Baggy, now about 16, who went out to Spain with me in 2004 and came back with me in 2011! She is a typically aloof feline, who thinks she rules the roost!

I firmly believe that getting another dog or cat soon after losing one should not be felt to be treachery – they can never replace one we have lost. Instead they find another new place in our heart.

2.What was the name of your first pet?

My very first pet was a shaggy mongrel called Pickles, who came to me when I was about six. I’ve had dogs (and the occasional cat) ever since; plus several horses, until about ten years ago.

3.Why did you choose the name?

I have to say that I didn’t – my parents named her!

4.Cats, dogs, or another species? Can you choose?! And why?

Although I’ve been passionate about horses all my life (despite my parents being completely non-horsey and having very little money), I think as ‘pets’ it would have to be dogs. Their unconditional love and trust outdo anything else.

5.What is your favourite memory of an animal who has shared your life?

A difficult one, but I think that would have to be of yet another scruffy mongrel, Shrimp. I remember him playing the ‘swimming pool game’ with visitors when I lived in Spain. He would run round the top of the raised pool barking, and as he reached one of the kids, they would jump in. He’d run round to the next one and they’d do the same. As soon as he moved on, the first child would get out again and sit waiting for him! Shrimp would keep this up for hours, but the best thing was, he actually invented the game!

6.Which three words would you choose to describe him?

Scruffy, disobedient and an escape artist! (But of course, he was utterly adorable!)

7.What is your favourite fictional animal and why?

Black Beauty – the novel was just so insightful. Even now though I can’t bear to watch the film!

8.If you could be any animal, which one would you choose and why?

I’d definitely be my own dog – that way I’d never want for love and attention!

9.What advice would you give to someone who is grieving for a much-loved pet?

The most important thing is to take your time – there aren’t any rules for the terrible grief you are feeling. Try to do and feel just what you think is right, not what someone tells you. If you feel you could open your heart to another pet then do so, don’t let anyone tell you it’s ‘too soon.’ If you want to cry, then cry. If you can remember happy times instead, then that’s OK too – this is how you will gradually heal.

10.When and how did you come across The Ralph Site? What do you think is the most important role of The Ralph Site community?

I think it was when I lost the first of my Spanish rescues, Lady. She was only about five years old and I was unable to save her from a horrible illness; the guilt weighed almost as heavily as the grief. Without a partner or close family member to give me support, I found people on The Ralph Site were the most tremendous comfort. I have since become true friends with a few people I interacted with on the site back then, and I think that for people who don’t perhaps have supportive friends or family around when they lose a much-loved pet, our community is an absolute godsend.

We’ll be featuring regular mini-interviews with friends of The Ralph Site in future; so do keep an eye out every first and third week of each month!

Until next time, very best wishes from Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support