Comment on Pet loss and self-forgiveness by Maria Bergman.
My Kit was put to sleep just a few days ago because of a paralysis caused by a blood clot. He had heart disease. Saturday morning I found him unable to use his front leg and he was howling so loudly and long like I’ve never heard. Kit could be very fierce if being forced against his will and he absolutely hated the Vet. I gave him some Gabapentin to calm him before putting him in the carrier to take him to the Emergency Hospital. I told the tech and the vet that he could lash out a lot and about the meds I gave. When they were taking care of him he was screaming like I’ve never heard. I was crying it was so bad. They came in to tell me they were trying to put in an IV. I am so grief stricken that I wasn’t proactive and insist they give him more Gabapentin to calm him before causing him so much more stress. And I feel like I’ve failed him so. My poor little guy had to suffer so much at the end like that. I was thinking they must know what they’re doing. I am so upset with myself. When I finally saw him his eyes were rolled back and he was so still. And then they gave him the dose to stop his heart. This is so much not want I wanted for my Kit. I feel like I’ve failed to protect him at the time he needed me most. I don’t know how to get past this.