Comment on Pet loss and self-forgiveness by Lisa.
Oh my gosh. As I read your post I am so heartbroken for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve been searching the Internet for a story similar to mine and I felt like I was the only who had this type of story.
My husband and I are fortunate enough to be able to take in/adopt disabled, senior, hospice dogs and cats. We have (had) eight, all at some varying stage of life. We were so lucky enough to be able to adopt a 13year-old Yorkie who had lymphoma and was in Renal failure. He was our type of guy. And let me say this, we have had many amazing pets, and have had to make hard decisions by knowing when the time comes to help of our fur babies across the bridge. From the minute we adopted Pip, I knew it would be especially difficult when when it was his time. He was like no other. During the nine months we had him he became blind, but he owned it brilliantly! Overall he was in good enough health still that he didn’t present sick at all. We previously adopted a senior three legged Chihuahua injured in the California wildfires. She has been my girl from day one. She is sassy. Pip immediately Bonded with her and I- then it became the three of us all the time. 24/7. I work from home it was always able to be with them. Two weeks ago my husband went on a business trip and I was up late cleaning. I laid down exhausted. Pip and Chloe snuggled by my side with all the others strewn all over the bedroom sleeping. 3 1/2 hours later I woke up to something that didn’t feeling right. I searched the bed – pip wasn’t there. He’s never gotten off of my bed. I searched the upstairs. I thought I would just find him roaming around. I got to the stairs and I just knew. There he was at the bottom. I rushed down there and his body was still warm. I don’t have any idea how long he laid there, without me. I think the fall broke his neck or caused a stroke. He was so still, So much different than his happy loving, goofy “normal” self. I could tell he was gone.
I’m so angry with myself. How can someone who loves and cares about her fur babies not think about putting a gate up? I have three other blind animals. How can I let this happen!!? How can I be so irresponsible? I don’t know how to forgive myself. When I brought him home, I promised him he would not die alone. Not only did he die alone, I imagine he died scared. He had never walked around the upstairs by himself, he must have been so confused. I let him down. I failed him in the biggest sense of the word. I didn’t protect him.
I don’t know how to move forward and continue to be the woman that has always believed that rescuing the unwanted or sick was the one thing i did unselfishly. What I could personally to contribute. I have so much grief and guilt and shame. . My heart is broken for my little buddy. I hope he hears my apologies.