Comment on Grieving the loss of a rabbit by Toki.

My rabbit Toki passed away two days ago, weeks before her fourth birthday.

She suddenly started limping two weeks ago on a Saturday night. When we rushed her to the ER, she started getting fevers but was discharged with some pain meds. But within hours of being home, she suddenly could not breathe so we rushed her back into the ER, now in an ICU and in an Oxygen chamber. After a day there, they told us to move her to UC Davis, which was an hour away, even though she still couldn’t breathe well. So we did. We put an oxygen mask on her and drove 90 min and thankfully she had made it. We did all sorts of tests on her and she was hospitalized for a week, until they couldn’t do anything for her. At home, Her breathing issue was resolved but now it was the GI stasis and she was extremely and unrecognizablely bloated. With stomach massages, simethicone, and benebac, she really improved. We thought she made it because she was eating a ton of hay and veggies.

But on Thursday, it was very very hot, and the room was above 95 degrees. We could not install the ac because it had been cold this entire year. Toki was also doing well though with no sign of heat stroke such as lethargy. I was working on my laptop in the same room, under the heat, with Toki happily nose bumping me and jumping on my laptop. The suddenly, she fell backwards climbing up a door bump, then struggled to get up. Me and my wife tried to calm her and help her but minutes later she died in our arms.

Toki was a wild cottontail rabbit that i rescued in Boston. I found her on the asphalt, hairless and eyes closed. We raised her by syringe feeding her six times a day and rubbing her butt for urine and poop. My life was stuck in low gear at the time and having Toki in my life had made all the difference. Toki survived many challenges, including a cross country drive to CA and an eye surgery. We surely thought she would overcome this one, too. Especially since she was on an upward recovery trajectory. We cant believe how quickly she passed from just a simple fall.

Raising Toki for four years had a very hefty toll on our lives. We could not go on vacations because she needed eye meds everyday after the surgery but we could not find anyone else who could handle a wild rabbit other than us, that she trusted. Her hospital bills totalled tens of thousands of dollars. She also destroyed our apartments. But if we were ever presented the opportunity to raise crypto again we woud do it in a heartbeat.

We cant cope with this devastating loss. Our life was completely centered around Toki, with weekly routines to the groceries to buy apples and spring mix, and the pet store for hay and treats. We cant walk by the produce section in the grocery store or the small animals section at the pet store because it hurts too much. I get panic attacks when i see bunny dolls and they are everywhere because its Easter time.

I keep reliving the moment she died. I keep thinking there must have been something i could have done to save her. Besides, she looked like she had almost recovered. Despite all we’ve been through together, i cant believe how easily she was taken from us so suddenly and randomly.

Thank you for saying i need to work on self forgiveness. Ill try my best to overcome this loss, although it seems impossible now.