If you’ve given up a pet for rehoming, it may have been one of the hardest decisions of your life. It’s likely that you deeply loved and cherished your pet but you came to the decision that your family wasn’t the right one for them to really thrive.
As much as we would all like to make a life-long commitment to our pets, the reality is that this isn’t always possible.
Behavioural issues, a change in circumstances, poor health (yours or your pet’s), clashes within the family, work and family commitments, financial struggles – these can all feed into the decision to rehome.
Having said goodbye to your pet, perhaps to a rescue centre or foster home, you may find that you are experiencing grief that’s as strong as if your pet had died.
However, you may feel that you don’t have a right to grieve because you voluntarily surrendered your pet for rehoming or that other people don’t understand your loss.
It can be incredibly hard to talk about this and we want you to know that you’re not alone.
The grief and guilt of rehoming a pet
The grief of rehoming tends to be layered with emotions such as guilt and shame. You may feel like you’ll never forgive yourself for this decision.
Giving a pet up for rehoming is never easy and there are very few people who can do this without any misgivings.
People who have lived through this experience often say that they still reflect on it years later. However, the majority also believe it was the right thing to do, maybe because it is rarely a decision that’s taken lightly.
What’s clear is that it’s important to show yourself compassion at this difficult time.
We’ve put together some tips to help you find peace and comfort:
- Acknowledge your grief
Regardless of the circumstances, you have lost a pet for whom you cared deeply. It’s natural to grieve and it’s important that you allow yourself to experience your feelings.
Loss is loss, no matter what, and your grief is valid.
- Reflect on your reasons for rehoming
Most people who give a pet up for rehoming do so because they no longer feel able to adequately meet all of the animal’s needs.
It takes great courage to admit that an animal may be better off in a different environment or with different people caring for them.
Your needs matter too. Maybe you’ve been doing everything possible to care for your pet but to your own detriment or that of your family.
When you feel able, allow yourself to reflect on your reasons for rehoming. Remember, you had everyone’s best interests at heart.
- Animals adapt
Animals are survivors and far better able to live in the moment than us humans. Of course, they remember their past experiences and people but they also adapt surprisingly well to new situations.
Your pet will not be placing blame or judging you. They won’t be reflecting on what went wrong or why life has changed. Yes, they may feel worried, uncertain or even scared at first but they will soon adjust to their new normal.
Have you explored the possibility of receiving some updates about how your pet is settling and life with their new family? This may reassure you that they’re well and loved. However, in some scenarios, it is not possible to get updates.
- Ignore other people’s opinions
The issue of rehoming a pet is deeply emotive. Often, the only time people will hear about the topic is on television when abuse cases and neglect provide the emotional hook for the programme.
Of course, these cases are horrendous but they are completely separate to rehoming a pet out of love and a commitment to doing the right thing for them.
It’s very easy to judge someone from the outside looking in and you may find that some people do this to you. However, you know the truth of your situation and what is right for your pet and your family.
It’s no one else’s business because they’ve never experienced your unique circumstances. Remind yourself that anyone who’s judgemental of your decision to rehome doesn’t have all the facts. Therefore, they’re judging a fictional scenario.
- Know your sadness will bring someone else happiness
While you may not have been able to offer your pet the right environment for their needs, their new home will hopefully be the perfect fit.
You know how lovable and special your pet is and now someone else will get to experience great happiness because of your decision to rehome.
- Don’t feel bad about feeling relief
As well as feelings of grief, guilt and more, you may also have a sense of relief, of a weight being lifted, that you don’t have to factor your pet’s needs into your daily life anymore.
This can be confusing and distressing but, again, it’s an entirely natural response to resolving what has been an ongoing source of stress.
- It’s time to show yourself kindness and compassion
Right now, your thoughts are probably consumed by your pet’s welfare. You’re wondering if they’re okay, if they’re missing you, if they feel sad or rejected.
Remind yourself that you handed your pet over to someone responsible who would take care of their needs.
Your priority has to be to show yourself some kindness and compassion. What are your needs right now?
Reach out if you need to talk to someone. Rest, eat good food, exercise, do things that light you up inside.
As with all grief, you will have good days and bad days and eventually find a way to make sense of this life-changing experience.
Just know that whatever you’re feeling, it matters.
Need to talk? Our supportive pet loss community offers a safe and compassionate space to grieve.
Shailen and The Ralph Site team
The Ralph Site, non-profit pet loss support
Thank you so much for this. You said everything I am feeling and it helps me not feel so alone. This has been heartbreaking…I can’t stop crying. My Americus was my baby, my constant buddy and I am devastated. 💔
View CommentDoes the crying ever stop? I’m so tired of crying.
View CommentI can’t stop crying either and it’s been over a year. I have my 14 year old dog still and I love her but I still miss my Skye so much. I’m just so depressed and ready to give up. I don’t know what to do to stop this pain.
View CommentRhonda
My family sold my kitten yesterday. It was only yesterday and I can’t stop crying or thinking about her. She was sold because we already had three kittens (originally 5 but we gave 2 to relatives) and my family intends to sell two, my kitten being one of them. When the buyers came to our house and i saw them holding my kitten, i just couldn’t stay there so I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for a solid thirty minutes until they left. When my family and the buyers of the cat brought the cat over to the vet for a check up, i couldn’t bring myself to go in the room. I just stayed in the lobby and i can’t express how much regret i feel. The worst part is, i can never see her again. I haven’t stopped crying and I just want to know when this pain ends.
View Commenti feel so bad 4 u but ik how it feels im giving away my pet rabbit in 3 days i think</3.
View CommentFeel you </3 My family had to sell my first and only dog aganist my will since they said its too much responsibility to keep him. I came home and the buyers came minutes later so i didn't even get to say my final goodbye to him and the fact they stood there felt so awkward i just felt judged by them. However it brings me peace knowing he got into an happy home with people who will show him love. It happend about 7-8 months ago but i still feel the emotions and the grief i did that day. Some days you do feel happier about the whole situation but the pain will still be with you.
View CommentI love my Molly so much, but I can’t take care of her like she deserves. And I feel like she deserves better than I can provide for her in my current financial and psychological state. But she has been all I had for the last few years. I am sad for me bc i am losing her, but I am happy for her bc she will have a better life than she ever could with me, and if we love our dogs as much as we say, than unselfishly giving them a chance at a better life is the most incredibly selfless act of love we could ever show them…
View CommentI just had to do this yesterday and I haven’t stopped crying. I keep looking in the yard and my sweet Newton is not here. 😪 peace to you all.
View CommentI had to surrender my cat Bella due to unexpected changes in our household (Toddler has severe allergy). Ever since I dropped her off I haven’t stopped crying, I wish I came across this article before I did the surrender. I thought I was the only one going through these emotions , and people really do shame you for wanting to surrender. Hardest thing I have ever had to do , I miss my baby dearly !!
View CommentRecently had to surrender my dog due to behavioral issues. I feel like someone died and I cannot stop crying, I don’t know how I will get over it. Any tips please?
View CommentI’ve just had to do the same, due to behavioural issues. I can’t stop crying. Time is supposed to be the best healer.
View CommentWe just gave up our 2 dear cats to rehoming group yesterday due to behavioral issues. We have been crying off and on since then. I’ve just been thinking about how scared they must be in a new place.
View CommentThis has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. And it was something that could have been prevented. A few months ago my mother decided she wanted to get puppies but there was no space for them and she couldn’t care for them properly. I begged her not to get puppies but she got them anyway. I tried not to get close to them but I also felt so bad that I ended up exercising and looking after them at times but I never fully committed. Because I can’t afford to look after puppies at the moment.
View CommentIn the end I made such a scene that two days ago eventually she let us take them away to the SPCA ( animal shelter ) to be rehomed. Don’t think I can forgive what she did or the fact that she put me through this. It has been horrible these past two days. I keep remembering the look on their faces before we left. I pray that they are rehomed safely. I know it was the right decision but the pain is still there. Thank you for this article. I don’t feel as much guilt as before.
I’m going through the exact same situation. My 75 year old mother decided she wanted two dogs and got a Golden Retriever and a Boxer mix as puppies. I warned her previously that this was not a good idea and that the dogs would be very large and hard to handle. She had them for about nine months and decided it was too much. During that time, I bonded with them and loved them. She eventually found a person that was willing to rehome them, and I had to say goodbye to them today. My heart is broken and I can’t stop crying! I am also so pissed off at my mother for creating this situation and her attitude toward the whole thing.
View CommentThanks for this article been feeling this. We had to surrender our dog because he had health issues and we couldn’t afford his medical bills. He’s in a good place but I feel like I abandoned him when he needed us most but I also know we loved him enough to let go and have someone else care for him properly. We miss him and I know I will feel this for a while. Thanks again I really needed this.
View CommentI just rehomed my 2 dogs because of a divorce and having to move to an apartment. I didn’t think the situation would be good for them. They were used to a big yard to run and play in, and I have some medical issues that would make it too hard to care for them if I have to walk them on a leash every time they have to go out. I feel so SAD and am devastated being without them. They were my best friends and I loved them so much. I made sure they had good homes to go to, but I wonder if I will ever get over this awful loss! I hope they are happy and are not upset that I had to give them up. I hope Frankie (my frug) is chasing around the little boy he now lives with and loves his big backyard. Maggie, my Boston Terrier, is with my ex husband, who she loves. I hope this pain does not last forever. Sometimes I regret my decision, even though I know it was best for them. I hope they don’t ever think that they did something wrong!
View CommentI rehomed a puppy I had for 2 weeks due to allergies. I feel so depressed and like I lost my baby. This article was helpful and the comments are too to see that I’m not alone. I hope the crying has stopped for the people above and I hope it stops soon for myself.
View CommentI am heart broken because I had to give up my 5 year old dog called Bruno. I’ve had him since he was 8 weeks old and loved him dearly. I could no longer meet his needs as I worked long hours due to work. He was home alone for long hours during the day which is so unfair on him. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a garden so he was stuck in a flat. I had to make the hard decision after months of torment. I know he is going to get all his needset in a new home. He was such a loving and loyal dog. I gave him to the dog shelter and they have put him in a Foster home . He is up for adoption so will go to a new home soon. I’m distraught no more potter patter of doggy paws coming to greet me when I get home.
View CommentMy mom decided to rehome my 2 female chowchow puppies tomorrow after 8 months of loving them. And I cant stop feeling depress and sad about it due to home space, and time management. Those 2 female chowchow are originally the daughter of our mother chowchow. We have a total of 4 chowchow, the mother and its 3 chows where the other is male. Im so sad right now and heartbroken but i hope the new owner will take care of them well and i’ll manage to contact them and try to visit them someday.
View CommentDue to behavior issues, i rehomed my beloved cat today. He gave me great comfort through difficult times during the last 10 years. I can’t stop crying. I’m broken and feel I will question my decision forever.
View CommentI’m struggling so hard today at 12 I’m surrendering my rabbit back to the animal rescue. I lived giving him his daily treats he loves bananas and carrots. He unfortunately doesn’t like to be held and when I let him roam free out of his cages he gets into trouble. I feel awful for bringing him back l but it’s been 8 months and I’m overwhelmed and caring for him weighs heavy in my head everyday. I hope he goes to a home with another rabbit and finds companionship.
View Commenti feel so bad 4 u but ik how it feels im giving away my pet rabbit in 3 days i think and I can’t stop crying
View CommentThank you so much for this kind article – it helped me feel not so alone. I’ve had a beloved bunny for five years. He’s the sweetest, gentlest soul, he’ll sit on your lap and be pet for hours and hours, will close his eyes and lean into your touch. He jumped around the yard and went for walks on a harness. But my workload became so demanding that I realized he was going for days and days on end not coming out of his cage. I’ve made the decision to rehome him, hopefully to an old couple that are kind to him or something. I’m driving him to the animal shelter on Saturday. I’ve been crying and crying, selfishly wishing I could keep him. Rehoming a pet is so, so hard. But this article definitely helped me see the bright side and validated my pain.
View CommentI had to surrender 2 kittens a couple of days ago that I have been caring for since they were born almost 4 months ago. A little stray that I had been feeding came in and had 4 kittens in my house, since then they had all been living with me, I just couldn’t afford to keep all 5 cats, I wouldn’t have been able to look after them all properly. My heart is broken and I feel so guilty, I haven’t stopped crying since. I just keep thinking how they didn’t really know anything outside of my house and for them now to be just the two of them with new people in new surroundings it must be so scary for them. The house is so quiet without them, Mama cat and the 2 other kittens are really feeling it too. Thank you so much for this article because it made me feel less alone with how I am feeling right now.
View Commentthis article and these comments have helped me. i am having to rehome my 2 chinchillas due to severe allergies. i’ve had both of them for a couple of years now, but in the last month or so, my allergies have been unbearable and it is putting my health at risk. i also have a new job that is taking up a majority of my time so i just feel inadequate as an owner. i’ve never had to rehome an animal before, so this has been so difficult for me to even think about. i feel like i will think about them forever. the thought of never seeing them again breaks my heart but i feel that it is the best decision for all parties involved. i am crying as i’m writing this. i feel so much guilt and sadness.
View CommentI have two rescue dogs. Due to my physical and mental ill health and behavioural issues I am going to have to give the bigger and younger dog up. I have had him since he was 13 weeks old and he is now 37 kg. He is much bigger than the rescue centre told me he would be. Six months after I got him I became very ill and my husband has started working long hours. My daughter left home and the neighbour who helped me with the dogs has moved out. If I had known what was coming I would not have taken him. I now feel like I have failed him but I’m still working full time from home and fighting every day just to get out of bed. It’s not fair on him. I cannot give him the attention and exercise he needs. I feel like an utter failure. Earlier today he pulled me over whilst on the lead and attacked another dog. He’s not usually aggressive but he needs time I can’t give him. I love him so much and he’s so loving but I just can’t do this anymore. I will miss him for the rest of my life.
View CommentWe are surrendering out wonderful, beautiful, family dog tomorrow. She is so great to our children and is a dream dog in most ways. Unfortunately she sees all other children as a threat to our children and she has bitten several kids (not serious injury, but bruises, tears, and sometimes a little broken skin). We tried training, we read books, we tried eliminating all encounters… But this week a neighbor girl (6) rang our doorbell to see if my son could play, I didn’t hear the doorbell and my 4 yr old opened the door. Our dog ran up and nipped the little girl. I was devastated but knew what we had to do to keep the children in our neighborhood safe. We adopted her 4 yrs ago, she is part of our family and we couldn’t fix her. I am just as sad about this as I was when my last dog of 14 yrs died from a heart condition. How can I take my spoiled baby and put her in a shelter cage tomorrow and then leave her there? The shelter said it’s the best thing to do as they have trainers to work with her more than we could ever do…and it’s less risky than me trying to re-home her and having a child get seriously hurt. But I still feel awful.
View CommentWe are surrendering our 1 year old shepherd mix we have had her since she was 8 weeks old she has been amazing loves our 4 year old son and our 16 year old little dog. We are moving out of the country next year and I’ve looked into so many different ways of being her but the cheapest was $5,300 it so much money money we don’t have that’s the reason we are moving away. I also look at her and feel bad we live in an apartment and she wants to run and play and we don’t have the space she is 65 lbs and I feel like we are holding her back not having a yard to play and run. It took me a month to finally make a choice with the rescue to take her she leaves in a week and I’m heart broken I just look at her and cry I know deep down this is the best thing for her she will be able to find a family that has a yard and can take her on adventures. I’ve never given a pet up so I’m feeling like I’m a bad person it’s so hard and I don’t even want people I know to know for them to judge me for it it been such a difficult thing my parents and aunt are the only ones that I’ve told and they have told me I’m doing what is right for her she needs more room and exercise
View CommentHi all ❤️ good to know I’m not alone in my sadness🥺🐕 for rehoming a beloved gsd. I loved her so so much and I found her a very nice couple with more space and time for her. And they send me pics & i can visit her. But my 💔 heart is in agony cause I miss her!! No one will stick by me and stick up for me like she did. When I’m sick ill need her and I won’t have her. I have thought so many times how I hate how I did this to myself and to her. She looks so happy, now but I wasn’t a terrible caregiver to her. I wish there was a way to go back in time and change my actions.
View CommentWow! Thank you so much!!!
View CommentI had to surrender my dog yesterday back to the spca where I got him about 1.5 years ago. He had many issues we were aware of when we got him, did not know just got bad. We still stuck it out and wanted him to feel love for the first time. Before us he had already been through many homes in his short 3 year life. He had been heavily abused. Neglected. Starved. Just treated horribly! No matter how much we did for him, he just couldn’t trust again. While we spent the last year and a half walking on eggshells, we also built beautiful bonds with him. There was so much love for him, but he just kept damaging everything. We replaced 3 couches, multiple chairs, shoes etc. We lived minimalistic having next nothing so he couldn’t destroy our things, to the point we haven’t had a living room to sit in for a year. Still, we loved him anyways. We got him a trainer that he just tried to eat… he wouldn’t allow it. We did EVERYTHING!!!!! Still I can’t stop crying because I feel we failed him. Last night (the first night) was the hardest!!! Hearing my kids cry themselves to sleep was horrible… and I could only think my poor Hemi boy is crying too, like I could hear him.
My heart is just so broken. This article is amazing! Thank you so much
Thank you for the tips on letting a pet go. I have had to make the really difficult decision to rehome one of our Spaniels. I have had him since 8 weeks, and gone through the teen phrase. I have done all the right things by trying to mentally stimulate him and give him enough exercise, I even started Gun dog training. The problem has been with my husband, and him forgetting how to deal with him while I go to work (part time). My husband has been bitten 4 times, luckily not seriously, but bitten all the same. He has now lost confidence in the dog. I am going to take him to a wonderful Gundog home in a week’s time where he will be assessed to see if he will go to work, or if not perhaps be a drug detection dog. Some working cockers do not do well in pet homes, whilst other’s do by doing agility etc. My heart is breaking after all the work I have put in, but I need to put the dogs needs before my own. Will I ever stop crying.
View CommentIm so tired, i had to deal with this everytime our dog gets pregnant then i would get attached to her puppies. until 1-2 months have passed and they’re already gone coz my family jus want to give the new generations away as soon as they can because we already have three dogs. I just feel so down ’cause our dog already got pregnant for 4-6 times already and every batch of her newborns i always have one or two favorites that i will sleep with and feed and they would follow me anywhere i go with their tails always excited. My phone is full of their funny pic and videos like who was the first one that can use the stairs but the sad part is I know that they will be taken away soon but even tho i got ready for it a few times it doesn’t make it easier i would still miss them so much in the end. just like yesterday they took the last one of the six puppies while i was sleeping next to her in my bed and now her spot is just full of my tears bro i tried to ignore this batch of newborns but i still ended up crying for one its so tiring to feel this everytime like im crying now because of all of them and its like 10x more painful
View Commentme and my fiance recently needed to re-home our kitten we’d had for three and a half months, colby jack. he was a hand raised kitten so he was very rambunctious, which to me and my fiance was somewhat difficult, seeing as we both work and i have a myriad of health issues, but the issue lied most within my other cats.. i have an eighteen year old cat whom ive owned almost his entire life and was a feral stray, and a ten year old cat that has very bad compulsive behaviors because of her abusive past. (plus, she hates sharing, and would lash out at colby for wanting to play). i saw that he wasn’t able to spend his energy as well he could have because of these factors, and we discussed rehoming for a little while. he was such a sweet kitty, so loving and he would follow you around the house and purr the whole time. his presence was a gift of life and energy to our lives but it proved to be too much to our other cats most of all, and i wanted them to be happy and comfortable, too. the couple we found for him is amazing, and we can even get pictures, but i still can’t keep myself from crying when i see one of his toys when i clean, or when i go to feed the cats and there’s only two. i know his life will be better and his new owners adore him so very much. i do too and i miss him dearly.. i hope everyone reading finds some solace in their pain as well, and thank you for this, sincerely
View CommentThis article has helped me tremendously coping with the remaining of 3 cats and 2 dogs. I took care of them for over a year by myself. I am moving to Ohio to a 1200 sq ft house and there is another dog there already. Too many animals in one house. And I refuse to leave them outside in a kennel, that is just cruel. So I chose to rehome. It’s been absolutely heart wrenching for me. A rescue friend found fosters etc for them in two different states. They will get a great home, that I know but still the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make. I will miss them tremendously. Hoping to get updates…..
View CommentI gave up my 1 year old sheepdog yesterday and I am beyond devastated. I had him since he was a puppy and I feel horrible I couldn’t handle his needs anymore. I tried my hardest to give him the best life. Sacrificing time, money, relationships. As he got older and bigger, it was hard to keep up with his high exercise needs and he was becoming aggressive, possessive and dominant. I tried training school early on but it didn’t work and he was becoming a safety issue. I thought I could handle it but he was starting to turn on me. It breaks my heart because he is such a beautiful, sweet boy and I know he has the potential to grow into a lovely dog. He needs more than I can give him. It was hard to admit that to myself since I was giving so much everyday so that he would be healthy and happy. I feel like a failure for taking on the dog and not being able to meet his needs. I feel like I failed him and myself. The grief is real and I’m crying multiple times a day. I know it’s going to take a long time to heal.
View CommentThe upside to this sad story is that by the grace of God I was able to find an experienced trainer that would take him, train him properly and find him a new home. I am incredibly sad that I couldn’t be his mommy any more and my mind is flooded with his memories. He was my companion and protector. I pray that he finds a good home where he can thrive and be loved.
Thank you hearing me out. I’m incredibly sad going through this. If you’re feeling the same, know you’re not alone. Sometimes we have to make hard decisions that is best for all involved. I that pray all pets find good homes and that you find peace knowing you made the right decision.
What a wonderfully written article. I stumbled across it as I’m about to rehome my 5 year old boy at the weekend. I found a wonderful lady who is retired, and will dote on him. Yet I am wracked with guilt and feelings of loss right now. I should never have got a dog, but my son begged for one. He is an adult now and I have always been our dogs main carer. He absolutely adores me which makes this even harder. I’m a newly diagnosed autistic and there are times I just can’t manage his care on my own. Also certain things I find very triggering and puts me in a constant state of anxiety, like too much movement when I’m in sensory overload ….too much sound..sometimes I cant bear being touched ..I feel so bad that I can’t tolerate these things but its not fair on my dog. He deserves love and to make someone more deserving happy. He is such a beautiful dog. I have promised tho that if after 3 months he’s still depressed or pining for me, I will bring him home . I hope he’ll be happy tho. He has so much love to give and he needs someone who can show that.
View CommentThank you. I just had to give up my parrot. Mango and I have been together 15 years. He was jealous and hated my wife. I have been. Married 5 years. But Mango bite her both hands badly recently. She no longer felt safe in our home – I feel so guilty and miserable for failing them both. A small comfort is my daughter took Mango. But he really is only gentle with me or men In general. I might regret this for ever. It was only right In that I can allow this ever happen again and he was always stalking her. So very sad. He was my baby. My wife thought because I cried that she should go and leave us together. She does not understand such grief.
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